Right Things In the Wrong Time
by emmylindaaa
Summary: [First fic ever YAY PHILINDA] Phil Coulson and Melinda May had always wanted the normal and right things for themselves. The thing is, the right things never really come on the right moment. A glimpse of Phil Coulson and Melinda May's friendship/relationship at the Academy, and a look on their lives before and during S.H.I.E.L.D..
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi, everyone! This is my first ever fic and I really love ( _and ship)_ Philinda. Hope you guys enjoy reading!**

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He was never the ideal man that she imagined herself to be with. She imagined herself to be with a guy who hated classes and papers and home works and professors. She imagined herself to be with a guy who kicked ass in sparring sessions, had this stealthy muscular body she could always stare at all day. She imagined herself to be with a guy who would pull pranks on professors and would not be caught. She imagined herself to be with a guy who would always buy her a drink down at the bar not far from the Academy.

She just never imagined herself to fall in love with a guy who's the exact opposite of everything she imagined, except for the part wherein he'd buy her a drink.

To be fair, it was the same for him.

She was never the ideal woman that he imagined himself to be with. He imagined himself to be with a woman who loved home work, papers and would walk with him in the corridors going to their next classes together. He imagined himself to be with a woman whom he would tutor in academics and would debate on academic facts and matters. He imagined himself to be with a woman who's just a quiet angel, conforming with the rules and regulations of the Academy.

He just never imagined himself to fall in love with a woman who's the exact opposite of everything he imagined, except for the part wherein he had to tutor her in academics and debate why she would do her academic requirements.

For Melinda May and Phil Coulson, their relationship was a two-way street.

Melinda would drag Phil with her to train down the gym. Mats would be laid down so they could spar with each other, and she would coach him on his stance, forms, kicks and punches, and he would watch and learn her techniques after several times of being pinned down on the mat by a petite Asian woman. In the same way, Phil would drag Melinda with him to his dorm room to study. He would make reviewers for her, and he would teach her Calculus, History and Chemistry. She would listen and try to understand him teaching.

But both situations always go down to one result: them making out, either on the gym mats or on Phil's bed. On occasion, it would escalate into more than just tongues touching.

Some occasions, someone will have to walk in to their little moment and be scarred that the legendary Melinda May and Phil Coulson were on the gym mats making out or actually having sex. If that is the case, the couple would just laugh and continue their business, knowing that whoever student who had walked in would have no intention of telling anyone of their little biz…or else.

When they graduated, they both agreed to take a time off of S.H.I.E.L.D. for them to have a chance of a normal life. Both were aware of the consequences and the sacrifices they would have to make once they commit their lives to S.H.I.E.L.D., and as of the moment they threw their caps upwards, they decided to get a shot to settle for a normal life together.

"Is this the place?" Melinda asks, walking inside and taking a look at the apartment in Portland, Oregon. Phil had just told her that he had found a temporary place for them to live in, while both look for their jobs. From there, he said, they can move forward and perhaps enhance their place.

"Yup, this is it." Phil answers, facing his lover as he wraps his arms around her waist. Melinda wraps her arms around her neck and smiles at him.

"I love it." she says. Phil smiles and leans down and kisses her. Melinda pulls back and sighs contently. She rests her head on Phil's chest as the couple looks around the white nearly-empty space they now call their home. It's not that empty. The dining table is already there, and so are the kitchen counters, dressers, bed, and couches. He kisses the top of her head and pulls away from the embrace.

"Come on, let's officially turn this place into our home." Phil says, holding Melinda's hand as he pulls her downstairs to where the moving truck is.

After almost six hours of moving and placing, the two are lying down on the couch watching television. Melinda's head is on Phil's chest as his hand is resting on the curve of her waist.

"You know, Mel," Melinda hums, a sign that she's listening to him. "Not even twenty-four hours in this place and I feel like I'm home already." She turns away from the television so that she is now looking at him. "I mean, it's been years since we've been planning to actually have a home just for ourselves and I know this is not much but…it's actually a very great start."

Melinda smiles and strokes Phil's cheek with her fingers. She sits up and leans to kiss him. "We have a home for ourselves." she repeats him, her thumb softly stroking his cheek. Phil holds her hand and kisses it.

"Yes, we do."

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 **Tell me what you think! Review review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yay update! Thanks for those who reviewed! And for today, I _might_ also update 'till Chapter Three. Yay, more update!**

 **I do not own any characters of this fanfic.**

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Two months in Portland, Phil and Melinda had found respective jobs for themselves. Phil teaches History in a private high school, and Melinda lands as a martial arts instructor for various martial arts teams all over the tristate area.

Melinda comes home late one night after a varsity training only to find Phil asleep on his desk, with a stack of papers beside him. She approaches him and smiles. He is still holding his pen and the paper he is checking is nearly crumpled against his right cheek.

"Might as well wake him up before he drools over the paper." she mutters to herself before leaning down and lightly shaking Phil's shoulder. "Phil, honey, wake up now." He mumbles something and falls silent again. "Phil, wake up." she says a little louder than the last time. Still, to no avail. She stands up and quirks her brows and thinks of a way to wake him up.

She goes over beside him and begins to trail kisses on the side of his neck. She feels him stirring and humming as her kisses begin to intensify and when he shifts his face, she start to kiss him on his lips several times, until he begins kissing her back lazily. He lifts his head from his desk and pulls Melinda to sit on his lap and he begins sucking on the side of her neck as she lets out soft and content sighs. Her grip on his shoulder tightens before each time she sighs as he begins to nibble on the lobe of her ear.

"You better…get back…to work." Melinda sighs to him, as she tilts her head back to give more space on her neck. Phil hums and kisses her again on the lips. She kisses him back as fiercely as she can before she pulls away. "And I'm serious." she says, kissing his nose before standing up from his lap.

Phil pouts and watches her leave the room. He sighs and looks at his clock. It's just ten in the evening and his eyes are tired from reading essays and checking papers. He yawns and grabs another paper from his desk. Melinda comes in with a mug of coffee. She sets it down beside the stack of papers. Phil looks up to her with a tired smile. Melinda sighs.

"Please tell me we'll still be sleeping at the same time tonight." she says. Phil shrugs his shoulders and attempts to smile back at her, only to have Melinda sigh again and nod. Phil puts down his pen and stands up from his chair to wrap his arms around her waist.

"I promise you, this weekend, I'll make it up to you." he says. She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Where are we going?" she asks, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Nowhere, just here." She frowns slightly at him.

"How are you going to make it up to me, then?" He smiles.

"Quality time, honey. We can watch movies, order takeouts, cuddle, nuzzle, cuddle some more…" he says. Melinda smirks.

"Quality time, huh?" she repeats and giggles. "Well, I'll be looking forward to it three days from now."

"A few more days, Mel, a few more days." He presses a kiss on her forehead as she rests her head on his chest. They stay like that for a few more seconds before Melinda pulls away.

"I'm tired, and I need a shower." she mumbles, enough for Phil to hear. He releases her as she plants a kiss on his cheek. "Don't stay up 'till tomorrow morning, okay?" she asks. He nods and she leaves the room. Phil sits back again in front of his desk and begins checking as he listens to the shower water coming from the bathroom.

Once the water sound stops, he hears feet shuffling, their dresser door opening and closing, and a few more shuffling of feet. He looks up and sees Melinda in her nightgown with a brush on hand and hair wet.

"Please don't tempt me to go to sleep now, I'm more than halfway done." Phil says. Melinda chuckles and kisses Phil's cheek.

"I just came in to say good night, Phil." she says softly. He smiles and kisses her nose softly.

"Good night, Mel. I love you." he says.

"I love you too, Phil." she replies. "See you in the morning, honey." She retreats back into their bedroom and he goes back to work.

At around twenty past eleven, he stacks all of his students' checked papers neatly on his desk and fixes his pens and lesson plan for the next day. He rubs his eyes and turns the light off the room and walks to their bedroom. He changes to his sleeping attire and lies down carefully on their bed, careful not to wake Melinda up. She shifts slowly, only snuggling closer to Phil. He wraps his arm around her and she buries her head in his shoulder. He plants a soft kiss on her temple and strokes her hair softly. In the dim moonlight, he watches his love of his life sleep beside him, looking so young, serene and free. To Phil, Melinda is the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire lifetime.

He remembers the first time he had seen her in the Academy. It wasn't anything special, he had just seen her running into their homeroom classroom the first day of their first year. She had short jet black hair, and even then, he thought she was just the most beautiful girl in the whole Academy. This legendary Asian woman, known as Melinda May, who can kick the ass of a man thrice her size in sparring and martial arts, and who had kicked Phil's ass several more times than she had ever let him kick hers.

It's just one of those nights that he realises how lucky he is to have Melinda in his arms.

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 **Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**As promised, another update for the day!**

 **Okay, so this will be really really different from the show (I honestly think I kind of changed the characters'...characters, like their wants and priorities whatever) but this is pre-AOS anyway. Coulson will be Coulson and May will be May in no time!**

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That weekend, the couple stays in their apartment. Melinda set up movies they hope they can get through binge watching before they start having sex, and Phil is in the kitchen, making breakfast for the two of them. Melinda puts down the VHS in her hands and looks at the kitchen where she sees Phil moving around the kitchen with a small smile on his face. Melinda smiles and stands up and approaches Phil in the kitchen.

"You know you can always at least let me cook breakfast for once." she says, leaning against the kitchen doorframe and crossing her arms over her chest. Phil looks at her and chuckles.

"I wouldn't want our apartment to burn down just after two months of living here, honey." he jokes, winking at Melinda. She scoffs and rolls her eyes at him.

"Hey, I can cook. You taught me." she defends. Phil turns the stove on as the sound of frying bacon fills the room and immediately, so does the aroma of bacon. Melinda tries her best to hide her satisfaction with the smell of bacon.

"Remember how that went?" Phil asks. Melinda raises her eyebrows and made a soundless 'oh' with her lips.

It was their last semestral break in the Academy, and the couple had decided to visit Melinda's mom for the break. While Lian was out, the couple decided to make lunch, with Melinda volunteering to cook for her mother, asking Phil to help her. It was just a simple Chinese food recipe. Melinda's mother had brought out the recipe before she had left. However, they ended up ordering Chinese takeout instead, because they had to clean up the burnt rice Melinda had made.

"Well, okay, that was once." Melinda tells him, raising an eyebrow, and she hums at the strong smell of bacon filling the whole apartment. Phil smiles smugly.

"Mel, that was the only time I let you try cooking," Phil says, turning the stove off and putting the bacon on a bigger plate on the dining table. "You're better off the kitchen."

Melinda huffs and slumps further in the doorframe. Phil looks at her and gives her a smile. He approaches her and wraps his arms around her waist to give her a kiss on the lips, to which Melinda could not resist returning as she wraps her arms around his body.

"If we'd be in S.H.I.E.L.D., you know you'd be better on the field than I am." Phil tells her. Melinda smiles and rests her head on her chest.

" _If_ we'd be in S.H.I.E.L.D., Phil." Melinda emphasises. Phil runs his hand up and down her back and presses a kiss on top of her head.

They had never really talked about S.H.I.E.L.D. before, nor the possibility of them ever coming back to work for the organisation. It's too risky for them, and they have to abandon their apartment, their respective occupations which they both love, their chance to have a normal family life, and most of all, they have to abandon their romantic relationship, as S.H.I.E.L.D. does not tolerate such.

The possibility had never really crossed their minds until now. Melinda would be very great out in the field, taking down enemies with her bare hands, without really needing the use of arms. Phil would be a very great team leader, forming strategies to follow in missions and giving overviews and briefings to agents and specialists like Melinda. Besides, the two were S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy's pride, especially in the Operations Department. They had finished off as top people of their batch, which was why it came as a shock to everyone when they announced that neither of them will be joining S.H.I.E.L.D.

For now.

They both wanted a shot of a normal life. Phil wanted a family, a normal one. Melinda wanted a life she could have lived had her mom not been an agent of C.I.A. This was their chance, and they were willing to give it a shot, no matter what it takes.

The couple pulls back from their embrace. "Breakfast?" Phil asks, gesturing the ready dining table, and smiling nervously at Melinda. Melinda looks at him intently. She takes a seat in front of him and starts nibbling on her food and drinking her tea. She observes Phil, he is looking and watching at her as well.

"There something wrong?" Melinda asks, her voice hinting worry and fear. Phil sighs and sets his fork down on his plate, his eyes not meeting hers.

"I know we haven't really talked about this," Phil starts. Melinda swallows, she knows where this conversation is heading and she is, for some reason, afraid of it. "And I know this was clear to us back then when we said we'd take the chance to have a normal life but…" his voice trails off, and he looks at her straight in the eyes. "Have you ever considered going back to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Melinda holds her breath and looks down at her plate. She opens her mouth to answer, but she has no answer. She wanted this normal life so badly, she really did. She wants to settle down, get married, have kids, have a normal and typical job, and live her life like everybody. Yet there's this longing to work for the organisation so bad. _I mean,_ she thinks, _that's the reason I went to the Academy, right?_

She looks up and meets Phil's eyes. He is worried. She bites her bottom lip and sighs. "Have _you_?" she asks him. He sighs and shakes his head. She feels her world crashing down. If she tells him the truth, this relationship might go anywhere but right.

But it's better than telling a lie, leaving her not able to sleep for nights.

"I may consider it as an option," she mutters. Phil's eyes widen for a moment as he slumps down further in his chair. "I mean, maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no. I don't know, Phil. It's all hypothetical."

"You're gonna have to leave me for it," he says softly, not meeting her eyes. "Will you do it?"

"No." Her answer is firm, and loud enough for him to hear it. "If for you, joining the organisation will have either me to leave you, no."

"You'd have to abandon this normal life if you do want to join S.H.I.E.L.D., Mel," he explains, meeting her eyes finally and straightening his posture. "Everything we've planned out before leaving the Academy—"

"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe the reason why we were at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy is so that we can actually _work_ for S.H.I.E.L.D.?" she asks a little too loudly, her arms crossing over her chest, and her lips pursed. Phil wears a serious expression on his face, and all hints of worry and nervousness are off the atmosphere.

"We chose not to, Melinda," he says. There it is, her full name. She knows that she's reaching the border of his temper once he uses her full name, but she's not willing to give up just yet. "You said you wanted to have a normal life, a life you could have had if your mother wasn't in the C.I.A. and you were willing to give it a shot for _your_ kids to maybe have a normal life in a normal world where their mother will always be there for her, unlike yours."

Her eyes soften as she looks down and swallows a big lump in her throat. Phil's hardened expression had softened when he realised what he had just said. It had always been a sensitive topic for Melinda: her family. She had never lived a normal life like all the other kids and was always raised to be a spy like her mother. She never wanted that growing up. Her mother wasn't always there for her, especially after her parents' divorce. She was always alone, always trained to survive alone. She never wanted to be alone.

Phil never meant to say it. He never did. He knew it would just Melinda. Maybe she could be different than Lian. Maybe while working for the organisation, she could still come home and be there for him, for their kids. It was a small possibility, but Melinda could always turn a small possibility into a reality. She could always try. They could always try.

"Mel, I—" Phil starts softly but Melinda cut him off.

"No, Phil, you're right." she says, not meeting his eyes. Phil's eyebrows knit together and looks down.

"I'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have…" he trails off. Melinda sighs and stands up. Phil's eyes follow her every move.

"I…I'll be back." Melinda says, grabbing her coat and exiting the door. Phil sighs and bangs his balled fist against the table in frustration.

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 **Tell me what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: And another update! Also introducing another** ** _very_** **familiar character, Maria Hill!**

 **Again, I do not own anything.**

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She doesn't know where she's going.

At such an early hour on a Saturday morning, there's really not much to see around Portland. The streets are quiet and almost quite empty, except for the market vendors and shop owners preparing their own stalls and stores for the next coming hours. She walks along the streets, feeling the cold morning breeze against her face and shuddering as it reaches her skin past her leather coat. She needed a walk, needed some time to clear her mind before any further fight ensues between her and Phil.

She stops at a twenty-four-hour coffee and tea shop and put her hand in the pocket of her coat. Feeling a few bills and coins in her pocket, she steps inside as a small bell rings from above. A man in his fifties appears in the counter and smiles at her.

"Good morning, what can I get you?" he asks, a smile on his face.

"Hot chamomile tea, please." Melinda answers, a small smile on her face. The man punches a few buttons on the cash register and looks back at her.

"Anything else?" he asks. Melinda shakes her head. "Five cents, please." Melinda takes out the coins in her pocket and gives the exactly five cents. "I'll just serve it to you." She nods and takes the booth farthest from the door, in case Phil comes up the idea of finding her.

He wouldn't. She knows he wouldn't. He knows her well enough that if she hides, or if she runs away, there's a clear possible reason why, and that she wouldn't want to be found unless she comes back. There's this slight tug, however, inside her that wants Phil to come and find her, to tell her he was wrong and maybe allow her to join S.H.I.E.L.D.

She definitely wants to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D.

A woman about a few years older than Melinda enters the coffee shop without Melinda even noticing it. She is too busy revelling in her own thoughts and sentiments that she doesn't notice when the woman slowly approaches her. "Melinda May?" the woman asks. Melinda looks up and widens her eyes realising that it's—

"Maria Hill." she says, standing up abruptly. Maria smiles and looks at Melinda.

"I must say, I never really expected to find you in Portland," she says. Melinda gives her a small smile. "I could see, however, that it's far from New York. Far from, you know, S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I never expected to see you here at all," Melinda replies. "You're in a mission?"

Maria nods, gesturing at the seat in front of Melinda. Melinda nods and Maria takes a seat, and so does Melinda. "Undercover mission. I've been here since three days ago. How are you?"

"Good," Melinda replies. "I mean I know it's just been a year since we graduated from the Academy but I've been fine. You?"

"Busy unlike you," Maria replies. "Been in S.H.I.E.L.D. the last three years since I graduated. Undercover missions, combat ops, you name every term you've learned at the Academy, they're all real, alright." Melinda chuckles. "How's Phil?"

 _Right._ "He's good, he's back at our apartment." Melinda says, hoping that Maria does not take in the hint of the fight prior to Melinda's presence in the coffee shop.

"I take the morning's been rough for you, huh?" Maria asks. Melinda looks down at her cold hands. The man brings in Melinda's chamomile tea and Maria's brewed coffee and toasted pretzel. The two women thank the man silently as he walks away from the women's booth. "What's it about this time?" Maria asks, taking a sip from her coffee but never leaving her eyes off Melinda.

"S.H.I.E.L.D." Melinda answers, wrapping her cold hands around the mug. Maria sets down her mug of coffee and looks at her friend.

"Let me guess," Maria starts. Melinda looks up at her. "You're considering coming back, but you're afraid of leaving Phil and leaving the chance to have a normal life. You told Phil, Phil freaks out and now you're here." Melinda's eyes widen. "No details, I might give out the wrong ones." Maria adds, taking a bite from her pretzel.

Melinda is silent for a moment. She sips from her tea and sighs. "When you joined S.H.I.E.L.D., it never occurred to you that you're throwing away the chance to have a normal life?" Melinda asks, looking at her friend who tilts her head and sets down her pretzel on her plate.

"It did. The more reason why I had to join S.H.I.E.L.D.," she says. "This _normal life_ every civilian lives, it's not for me. I can't do that. I can't _be_ normal. That's why it was never such a big deal for me to abandon that chance."

"You never considered having a normal life?" Melinda asks.

"May, I've never had a normal life before," Maria tells her. "Not the normal traditional way the others would consider, I guess. My mom died, my dad blamed me for her death, my childhood was rough and that's not normal. Why will I have to search for a normal life when I never really knew what 'normal' is?"

Melinda stares at Maria before she lets her eyes fall on her tea. Maria raises an eyebrow and leans back on her seat. "Do you really want normal, Melinda?" Maria asks her, making Melinda look up at her again.

"I don't know what normal is, Maria." Melinda admits softly. "I got carried away when Phil decided that he wanted a normal life with me so I agreed to do it with him but now…" she trails off, and sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Now I don't know what I want anymore." she finishes.

Maria sighs. "May, I'm not really actually good at pep talk and you know that," she says. Melinda chuckles. "So I'm just going to say that S.H.I.E.L.D. really needs someone like you. You'd make an outstanding specialist, trust me. And if that's what you really want, then to hell what Coulson says, do what you want."

"I'll have to leave him, Maria." she whispers. Maria finishes her pretzel and cup of coffee before looking at her friend in the eyes.

"The feeling would be gone by the time you're in the field, May. And all you could ever think about was the number of lives you've left and gone while protecting the world from another dangerous world." she says, standing up. "It'll be easier, trust me."

Melinda sighs and stands up, Maria faces her. "I'll think about it." she says. Maria gives her a small smile and extends her hand to Melinda. Melinda takes it as the two shake hands. Maria lets go.

"I'll see you in New York in a few months, May." she says, with a wink as she exits the coffee shop. Melinda watches her friend leave and swallows. She doesn't know how to tell Phil this.

Or maybe she won't have to.

She finishes her mug of tea and leaves the coffee shop as she walks back to their apartment building.

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 **Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'd have to say I absolutely _hated_ writing this chapter, but it has to be written~ Nevertheless, here it is! Introducing a new and familiar character, Audrey Nathan! (dun dun duuuun)**

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Five months since they moved in Portland, and in each passing month, the couple feel themselves drifting apart from each other. Melinda has been working even until the night that Phil had to give up waiting for her to come home and sleep instead. When he wakes up, he still finds the other side of the bed empty and her clothes from the previous day in the laundry.

Ever since their fight when Melinda had left the apartment at six in the morning, only to come back two hours later, the two had been arguing a lot. Sometimes, about petty things, sometimes on huge things.

All of their fights, however, are always rooted to just one thing.

One early morning, Melinda had left a small plate on the sink. Phil had always hated seeing unwashed and unattended plates on the sink, and this is just one of those moments. Melinda is just about to leave when Phil calls her. She flinches at his sharp tone and goes back to the kitchen.

"You left the plate on the sink." he says, holding out the small plate.

"You have it in your hands now, so it's not in the sink anymore." she says, crossing her arms over her chest. She is not in the mood anymore.

"You use it, you wash it."

"I'll be late for work."

"Couldn't spare two minutes to wash a small plate?" Phil can feel the heat in his face and could swear he is feeling smoke coming out of his ears and nostrils. Melinda just looks at him.

"Could, won't." Melinda answers, shrugging. Phil takes a deep breath and exhales loudly.

"You're right. You won't spare two minutes to wash a dish, you can't even spare a minute to spend time with me, anyway." Phil says, putting the plate back down in the sink and crossing his arms over his chest, mirroring Melinda. Melinda's body tenses and she narrows her eyes at him.

"I'm busy. You know that." Melinda tells him, her voice quiet but firm, her teeth grit. Phil lets out a chuckle. A horrible, horrible chuckle that sends chills down in Melinda's spine.

"Right, I know. I know that's going to be your answer every time when you _start_ working for S.H.I.E.L.D., so you won't have time for any of this _bullshit_ , right?" Phil shouts at her. Melinda has had enough.

"Is this what this is about? All this crap? All the distance you've been giving me? All because I _considered_ hey, I _could_ start working for S.H.I.E.L.D." Melinda advances towards him and he stands firmly and straightens his posture so that he is towering over her.

"You could, you _will._ " Phil mocks her. In the dim light, Phil could see tears forming in Melinda's eyes. He could see her lips trembling and her muscles tense. He couldn't see her like this. He couldn't see her hurt, especially when he knows he's the reason why she's hurt. He walks away from her and goes back to their bedroom and a few moments later, he hears their apartment door open and close with a loud bang.

That's the start of Melinda's too frequent trips out of the state.

She would be gone for a week or two tops. She would come back to Portland only to work more and come back to their apartment for her to sleep, bathe and eat. Even on the weekends, she's preoccupied. He wouldn't see her in the light of day. He would often come down to her workplace and watch her from a distance just to see how she is. She seemed well, only stressed, with the dark circles under her tired eyes. He wouldn't even see her in the dim light in their bedroom, as she is more often turned away from him, or is passed out on their couch. He would bring a blanket out and put it over her body and give her a light kiss on the temple. Other than those moments, Phil never really sees Melinda.

Eight months since they moved to Portland, Phil couldn't take the distance from Melinda anymore. He feels helpless and hopeless, and he hates feeling those things especially with the woman he loves so much. He goes down to the nearest bar one night and orders a double as he sits on the barstool. He drinks all the contents of the glass in one drink, and he sighs when he feels the drink trickling down his throat and leaves a warm feeling in his stomach.

"Phil?" someone beside him asks. He turns to see a brown-haired, wide-eyed woman looking and smiling at him. His eyes widen and he clears his throat before standing up.

"Audrey." he breathes. Audrey nods and laughs as the two embrace. "How have you been?" he asks, as he sits back down on the barstool, and she sits down beside him.

"Great, really great, actually." she replies, and she gestures the bartender for the same drink. "Still playing cello like the last time you saw me in high school."

"Oh you're still playing?" Phil asks, not surprised. He had known Audrey since they were in high school and since then, Phil loved hearing her play the cello.

"I'm aiming for Portland Symphony, actually," she says, thanking the bartender for the drink. She sips a little. "I need more time to train but I'm hoping next year I'd be in at least second chair."

"Second chair, oh wow." Phil says. "I bet you can do that, though, you've always been a great cellist in high school." Audrey gives him a smile.

"Oh, Phil," she says. She sets the glass down and clears her throat. "How have you been?"

How has he been? "I'm…not so good." he admits, looking down at his now empty glass. Audrey takes his hand, making him look up at her, meeting her eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asks, her voice soft. Phil sighs.

"I just…" he trails off. Audrey raises her eyebrows. "I just broke up with my girlfriend."

He must admit, even _he_ was surprised with what he just said.

"Oh God, Phil," Audrey says, her grip around his hands tightening. "I am so sorry."

"Yeah, well, she had to leave anyway for S.H.I.E.L.D." he says. Audrey tilts her head.

"Aren't you in S.H.I.E.L.D.?" she asks. Phil shakes his head.

"I'm a high school History teacher," he says and lets out a chuckle. "Now I think about it, it does sound pathetic coming from a top graduate of S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy." Audrey smiles.

"It's not _that_ pathetic," she comforts. "It's just weird. Why didn't you want to join S.H.I.E.L.D. like you planned in high school?"

He sighs. "I wanted a shot of a normal life. I met this girl also in the Academy, who wanted a shot of the same so here we are, in Portland, trying to get a shot of that normal life. But then she…she joined S.H.I.E.L.D."

Audrey frowns. "What's the problem of her joining S.H.I.E.L.D.?" she asks.

"When you're in S.H.I.E.L.D., you can't have a normal life, Audrey," he says. "You're abandoning every possibility of having a family and settling down." Her eyes begin to furrow. "It's like a real bloodbath out there, Audrey, and no one in the right mind will want to come home and see their family knowing that just minutes ago there was blood in their hands."

"Phil, you're not murderers or anything," Audrey says. "You guys are the good guys saving the world, and had the blood not been in your hands, there would be more blood in their hands." Phil blinks several times and Audrey raises her eyebrows.

"I never saw it as that." Phil grumbles. Audrey chuckles and scoots closer to Phil.

"Look, being with S.H.I.E.L.D. or not, you can always have a shot of a good normal life, it's just up to you on how you would make it normal." Audrey explains. Phil sighs.

"Doesn't matter, she left." he says. Audrey sighs and the two fall silent for a few moments, with Audrey holding Phil's hand.

"Did you know I had the biggest crush on you in high school?" Audrey asks him, grinning. Phil looks up at her and smiles. "You were dorky and nerdy, and you always ate lunch with your fellow dorks and nerds, but you were also the only one who really appreciated classical music as much as I do."

Phil is now grinning. "Yeah?" he asks. Audrey nods. "Did you know I had the biggest crush on you in high school too?" Audrey smiles at him and blushes. "That's why I'm always in your orchestra shows, to hear and see you play."

"Phil." Audrey whispers, stroking Phil's cheeks with her thumb. Phil savours her touch and closes his eyes as he leans against her touch. He holds her hand.

"Do you wanna get out of here? Have coffee tonight?" Phil asks. Audrey grins.

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

 **P.S. I kind of made Coulson seem like a bad person here :( I'm sorry about that, but he'll eventually turn out good! Anyways, tell me what you all think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Update!**

* * *

Nine months since moving in Portland, the couple barely even call themselves a couple. Phil had started going out with Audrey, and while he knows Melinda had become suspicious of it (He was sure she was, he thought, but she hasn't been around that much to make sure of it.), Melinda made no move to stop him whatsoever. Melinda had been coming back and forth from New York, and he never knew the reason why some nights, she just doesn't come home.

Melinda, on the other hand, had joined S.H.I.E.L.D., as a field agent and specialist, which is the reason why she had been going to New York. She would leave at three in the morning most of the nights, and catch a flight to New York, always taken care of by S.H.I.E.L.D. itself, and come back with the last flight of the night, or sometimes during one of the flights the next day. How she is even alive still doing the routine, she herself cannot tell either.

She knows Phil is seeing someone else. She had seen him kiss her in a park while she was undercover in Portland. She had to bite her bottom lip from shouting his name and had to ball her fists to prevent herself from intruding the new couple's moment. She knows the change in her and Phil's relationship had been tough for him, it had been tough on her too. He might have told the girl they broke up, which they did.

But technically speaking, they haven't broken up yet.

Especially not when she goes home early only to find him sitting on their couch waiting for her. They haven't seen each other in _months_ , and both had missed each other's embrace and touch.

Phil stands up when he sees Melinda as Melinda stops by the apartment door, slowly closing it behind her. In the dim light the room gives, Phil could see Melinda's tired eyes and dark bags under her eyes. He slowly walks up to her and slowly wraps his arms around her small frame.

She closes her eyes, leaning on his firm chest. She misses him, and she knows he misses her the same way. He presses a kiss on top of her head and she tilts her head back so their lips meet. A soft kiss turns into a hard, needy kiss as Melinda feels his hand roaming around her back, and unhooking her bra. She moans when he starts trailing kisses on the side of her neck and when he starts sucking his earlobe, she gasps. She grabs his shirt tightly and pushes him back so that he could remove it above his head. Not long after, their lips meet again.

He unbuttons her shirt and removes it completely to reveal her top body naked, and he looks at it with dark eyes. He slowly undoes her pants and so does she. Both are completely naked in their living room, their night filled with gasps, moans, sighs and sweat.

There aren't much words during the night. They fall asleep, and Phil is holding Melinda in his arms protectively, as Melinda's face is buried against his chest. Her soft warm breath lulling Phil to sleep and his soft unconscious strokes in her hair making her want to bury herself further in his chest.

* * *

Melinda goes home at her usual time the next night. She puts her coat on the rack but is surprised that Phil's coat is not there. She turns the lights on to see that a few CDs and VHS tapes are missing from its respective racks. She frowns and quickly walks over to Phil's usual work room to find it completely empty. She goes inside their bedroom to open the dresser to find that her clothes are the only ones in the dresser. She feels her eyes trickle with tears and her heart aching.

She slowly walks back to the living room to find a note on the table beside the couch. She recognises Phil's handwriting of her name and slowly picks it up. There's not much, just the words "I'm sorry" and his signature. Melinda purses her lips together and closes her eyes, putting the note over her heart and sitting down the couch as she cries.

Phil is leaning against the door of his apartment, wearing a backpack and with several other bags on his feet. He closes his eyes and sighs softly. He listens to Melinda's soft muffled cries and her calling out his name. He urges his will to run inside and wrap her in an embrace, as tears begin sliding down his cheeks.

Slowly, he picks up his bags and walks away from the apartment unit, down the stairs and out the building. Audrey peeps out of her car and gives him a small smile. He gives her a small smile back, and opens the compartment, putting his bags down and sighing as he does. When he is finished, he looks back up to his apartment building and closes the compartment. He opens the car door and takes the shotgun seat.

"Phil, if you don't want to do this, you can always go back." Audrey tells him, a hint of worry in her voice. Phil sighs.

"I need to fly to New York, Audrey," he tells her. "I'm going back to S.H.I.E.L.D."

"You're sure about this?" she asks tentatively. "What about what you said about giving a shot of having a normal life, with Melinda? With me?" He takes her hand and kisses it.

"I'm sure I can always live a normal life, with _you_." She smiles and ignites the engine and they drive.

* * *

 **Tell me what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Another update! I might add another one after this within the day (or night wherever you are) :)**

 **I'm also introducing another character, Rick Stoner, Nick Fury's predecessor. He was a former S.H.I.E.L.D. director in the Marvel Universe, though he is not _really_ part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Anyways, here's the next chapter!**

 **Again, I do not own anything, not even RIck Stoner.**

* * *

Two weeks after Phil had moved out, Melinda had permanently moved in to New York, in an apartment director Richard Andrew "Rick" Stoner had referred her to. It reminded her too much of him there. And besides, it's too, very far from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s base.

She had been working on missions and combat operations day and night, weekdays and weekends, no time for any in-betweens. She trains with Victoria Hand, her supervising officer, who's in charge of her combat trainings. After combat training, she would be with Maria Hill, who is training her how to fly a plane.

"You learn fast," Maria comments once she's done quizzing Melinda on which buttons do what and which panels do what. "Two weeks of permanent training with me and you've managed to memorise everything in this plane." Maria pats the panels and buttons around them in the mock training plane for pilots.

"It's an annoying talent, I know." Melinda says. Maria smirks.

"I'm glad you're really here choosing S.H.I.E.L.D." Maria tells her genuinely. Melinda gives her a small smile.

"There's not much to choose anymore." she answers softly. Maria looks down and sighs.

"I'm sorry about Coulson," Maria says carefully. "I know how much he means a lot to you." Melinda nods.

"I'm working on moving on from it." she says, and gives Maria a small smile before standing up to leave.

"May," Maria calls out. Melinda looks back at her, and Maria stands up and walks over her. "I should tell you this, Coulson's also in S.H.I.E.L.D."

"What?" Melinda practically shouted. Maria gripped her hand tightly to silent her, and Melinda contorts her face. "Since when?"

"Four weeks." Maria answers, her voice low. "Look, I'm breaking orders here by telling you that he's here and—"

"Why is there an order that you shouldn't tell me that Phil's here?" Melinda hisses. Maria lets go of her grip on Melinda's hand and sighs.

"Stoner knows about you and Coulson, May, he's been questioning _us_ as to why you're not in Level 4 yet, and why Coulson's not heading a single team." Maria explains.

"How the heck did he know about us?"

"He asked your supervisor in the Academy before," Maria explains patiently. "Stoner knows everything, apparently."

"Yes, because part of the assessment before actually entering S.H.I.E.L.D. was to make sure that we're not hiding anything at all." Melinda says, sarcastically, earning a glare from Maria.

"That's how I got my order, Hand also has her orders too."

"You broke it." Melinda points out.

"You had to know." Maria whispers a little too loudly. "When you walk out of this room and you see him, you have to regard him as an _agent_ , May, and not your ex-boyfriend who left you, else either of you will be assigned to work in Alaska. Understand?" Maria is looking at Melinda straight into the eyes. Melinda swallows and nods.

Before Maria can leave, Melinda asks, "Who's his S.O.?"

Maria turns around and looks at Melinda. "Barton." Then, Maria leaves.

After a few moments of silence, Melinda leaves the training room. Before she walks along the corridors, she looks at every direction and makes sure she isn't running to Phil. She lets go of her breath and closes the training room as she walks down to report to Victoria Hand.

"Mel?" She stops in her tracks. She hears a voice. She hears _his_ voice. She closes her eyes as her heart beats faster. She takes a deep breath and remembers Maria's voice in her head: _you have to regard him as an agent, May, and not your ex-boyfriend who left you_.

She turns around and greets him with a nod and small smile. "Agent Coulson."

Phil stares at her, with a terrified yet relieved look on his face, and Melinda remains calm and composed, looking straight at him. Phil approaches her and she just stands still, facing him. His heart is beating faster each step nearer Melinda. He swallows down his throat.

"How long have you been here?" Phil asks, his voice low. Melinda looks at the other agents walking past them. She huffed and pulled him in the nearest corner.

"Six months." she whispers, looking out for any executives. She knows she is risking something. She knows she shouldn't be speaking to him. For some reason, her instinct tells her that something will go wrong if she continues to speak to him.

" _Six months_? Jesus, Mel, I've been here for—"

"Four weeks, I know. Maria told me." she answers quickly. Phil leans back.

"Maria? Maria Hill?" he asks. Melinda sighs. They're not going anywhere.

"Yes, Maria Hill, the future Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.," she says, sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "She's the one who convinced me to join."

"Six months ago when we haven't broke up, thanks for telling me."

"Technically, we _never_ really broke up, Phil," Melinda says, gritting her teeth and advancing towards Phil slowly that he has to walk backwards. " _You_ left me hanging one night in our apartment one night, and prior to that night, you've been with someone else." Phil becomes silent. "If I'm wrong, I'll be glad to hear you out."

The two fall silent, with Melinda glaring at Phil and Phil looking down at her. They both hear footsteps and before they could react, Phil and Melinda's respective S.O.'s appear.

"Coulson, May, Director Stoner wants to see you in his office now." Victoria Hand orders them. Clint Barton is beside her, his arms crossed over his chest as the two supervising officers stare at the both of them. Phil and Melinda break away from each other's stare and move out.

The two are standing in front of Rick Stoner, S.H.I.E.L.D. director, in his office. Maria Hill is standing beside him, who is sitting down on his chair, eyeing the two. Melinda's lips are pursed and her face is emotionless while Phil's trying his best to pull off a less worried look on his face. Maria Hill looks at her friend and student with a worried look on her face.

"I see the two of you have seen each other now," Stoner says. Melinda puts her hands behind her back and balls her right fist, in attempt to calm herself down. "I would like to stress, however, that personal relationships are—"

"With all due respect, sir, Agent Coulson and I are _not_ involved in any personal relationship." Melinda says, cutting off Stoner's statement. Phil looks over at Melinda, who looks straight ahead to meet Stoner's eyes. Phil looks down at his feet.

"Now, I did not know that." Stoner mutters, enough for only Maria to hear. Maria looks down at her superior for a moment before looking back up to the two.

"Well, then, we wouldn't have any problem at all," the director says. Melinda gives him a small nod and Phil just looks at him. "Make sure that the past relationship will have no effect on your work, in case you would have to work together for missions, which, I'm pretty sure you will, given the recommendations I read from the Academy."

Melinda breathes deeply and releases the ball of fist behind her back. "There will be no problem, sir." she answers monotonously. Phil, again, looks at her tentatively before clearing his throat.

"There won't be any problem, director." he repeats. Stoner nods at the both of them.

"Dismissed."

"Thank you, sir."

"Thank you, director."

The two walk out of the director's office and as Melinda is about to go to the opposite direction, Phil pulls her to a corner. "No problem, really?" he asks, his tone genuinely concerned. Melinda sighs.

"Phil, _not_ a problem." she assures him. Phil still doesn't look convinced.

"Are you sure? We kind of left things hanging last time we met." he says in a low voice. Melinda rolls her eyes and scoffs.

"What do you want, Phil?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest. "You want me to tell you that it's over? Well, guess what, _I can't._ I can't, and I'm sorry." With that, she turns and walks away from Phil, who is left watching her walk away.

* * *

 **Penny for your thoughts? :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Greeting everyone an early Merry Christmas! I think I might update until Chapter 11 (if I can) because I won't be updating until next week or maybe next year. Anyway, here's Chapter 8!**

* * *

The two are honestly unsurprised when they found out that they would be working on a combat op together. Even they themselves have to admit that they work best when they're together, with Phil as the strategist and Melinda as the executioner on the field. That's why when they were told that they will have to extract intel from a Hydra base, they never hesitated to accept the mission.

"May, I want you to get in the base and extract the intel, you'll be with Hand," Maria instructs. Melinda nods at her supervising officer who gives her a small smile in return. "Barton, you and Romanoff will be backup for them. Coulson, you and I will oversee the whole op. It's just a simple op, people, extract intel and get out. Understand?" The team nods. "ETA is seven minutes. Everyone, move."

With that, Melinda and Victoria prepare their respective gears and arms as they review the whole structure of the base, their entrance and exit points, and to where the intel might be found. Melinda has to close her eyes as she feels her surroundings spinning.

"May? Are you alright?" Victoria asks her student. Melinda breathes slowly and exhales and nods at her S.O. "Are you sure? Romanoff can take your place." Melinda shakes her head.

"I can do this, Hand, trust me." she replies. Victoria does not look convinced but she let the situation go and pats Melinda on her shoulder.

"I trust you. But if it's too much on the field, just tell me and I'm calling backup." Victoria says. Melinda nods and gives her a small smile.

When they got to the base, Melinda and Victoria enter the point where they planned to enter. Melinda took out Hydra guards easily with her own hands without noises, paving a way for Victoria to enter to the site where the intel is located. Melinda follows her swiftly after taking out the guards.

Victoria is able to locate the intel to be one of the many drawers. She opens one of the drawers, and closes it, not finding the file there. As soon as Victoria closes the drawer, however, alarms start to ring.

"Hand." Melinda calls out from the far end of the room.

"I'm getting there, May, I'm getting there." Victoria hisses, opening and closing various drawers.

"Hand." Her tone is more alarmed, louder and more worried.

"May, please—I found—" The moment she finds the file and grabs it, is also the moment she hears a loud thud from the far end of the room. Her eyes widen when she turns to see Melinda lying on the floor unconscious. "Jesus." she mutters under her breath as she walks over to check Melinda's pulse. She tucks the file under her arm to get her talkie. "Hand here, I got the file, May's unconscious on the floor. We need backup and extraction. Hydra guards are coming."

"Copy that, Agent Hand." She hears Natasha Romanoff's voice through the talkie. She puts back the talkie in her belt and carefully drags Melinda away from the entrance of the room. Victoria hears loud and heavy footsteps getting nearer and nearer the room. She gets hold of her gun, preparing to take it out when she hears punches and guns and heavy thuds outside the room. Clint and Natasha appear a few moments later.

"Is she hurt?" Natasha asks, feeling for Melinda's pulse and checking carefully for any serious wounds.

"No, she just fell." Victoria explains. Clint lifts Melinda's body and carries it.

"Did someone shoot her or anything?" Clint asks. Victoria shakes her head.

"Anything, I don't know, she just fell on the floor." she says. "Barton, behind us, Romanoff, we'll take lead." Natasha nods and the three exit the room, with Clint carrying Melinda behind the two women.

The four got out of the base unscathed, except for a few cuts. They find the extraction helicopter and the three climb in, with Clint first, then Natasha, then Victoria, who fires a few more shots before completely getting in the helicopter.

"What the hell happened?" Maria asks from the front seat beside the pilot. Clint is carrying Melinda's unconscious body in his arms.

"She didn't feel well before the op, but she kept on assuring me that she was fine so we went through the op and she just fell on the ground." Victoria explains, looking at Melinda's small unconscious body.

"We need to get her to the infirmary to get her checked," Maria says. "Barton, gun wounds on May?"

"No, ma'am." Clint answers.

"Good. ETA two minutes, quickly wheel her in the infirmary and get her checked." Maria instructs. The three chorus a "Yes, ma'am" before Maria turns back.

"What happened?" Phil asks as soon as the three walk in, looking at Clint who is carrying Melinda's body.

"Passed out." Clint answers when Melinda is lifted off from him and wheeled inside the infirmary. The four watch her until the doors to the infirmary close.

"Will she be alright?" Phil asks quietly. Clint looks at him and pats him on the back.

"She's strong, Coulson, she'll be fine."

* * *

 **Review away!**


	9. Chapter 9

Melinda wakes up, with her head heavy and pounding. She tries to sit up but eventually fails and she falls back on her bed, leaving a soft thud sound. A nurse, along with Maria and Victoria walk in her room. All three are relieved to see her awake.

"What happened?" she asks, looking at the three.

"It seems like you gave your superiors a fright on the field," the nurse says. "Nothing serious, however, just a head concussion and…" The nurse looks at her other two companions tentatively. Maria shakes her head at the nurse.

"And what?" Melinda asks, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I'll give you three some privacy." the nurse says, leaving her room. Victoria and Maria look at each other.

"What's wrong?" Melinda asks softly. Maria sighs and runs a hand through her short hair.

"May, there isn't any other way to say this but…" Maria trails off and Victoria looks down at her feet. Melinda can feel her heart beating loudly against her chest. "You're pregnant, five weeks."

Melinda can feel a heavy weight on her chest as soon as she hears it. She slumps down further into her bed and looks away from Maria. She stares ahead.

"I…" she trails off. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know what to ask. Victoria seems to know which questions to ask first when she clears her throat.

"May, whose baby is it?" she asks tentatively. Melinda looks at Victoria and swallows. She shakes her head and looks away, trying to remember five weeks ago when…

"Phil." she whispers. "Before he left, he…the baby's his." Her voice catches in her throat as her eyes are trickling with tears. Maria and Victoria look at each other worriedly.

"May, I'm sorry but—" Maria starts.

"No, Maria, please," Melinda cuts her off, looking at her straight in the eyes. Her eyes are glistening with tears. "He wasn't a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent then, I was. I violated protocol. If you'd have to terminate or transfer someone, let it be me."

"May, no, stop," Victoria says, putting her hand up. "We know, and we understand. Listen, neither of you are going anywhere, okay? _You_ will be taken care of, because it's part of the protocol. However, you will have to be relieved from field assignments."

"What?" Melinda asks. "I can still do field assignments, at least not when—"

"May, it's dangerous for both you and the baby," Maria says. "We'll be giving you a full year off field assignments, and that's final." Melinda swallows down and looks down at her abdomen.

"What do I do?" she asks.

"You'll be relieved off combat and weapon training, but will still resume with flight training. For the first few months, we could at least let you overview and brief missions," Maria answers. "When you're almost six months along, you'll get a leave, and it's either you stay in your apartment or a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house in Long Island. Either way you'll be getting support from S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway."

Melinda nods and lies back further down her bed. "Can I…can I tell Phil about this?" she asks tentatively.

"Coulson will be notified, but of course, it's better if you be the one to tell him first." Victoria says. Melinda nods and closes her eyes.

"Does Director Stoner know?" Melinda asks quietly.

"He sent us to talk to you about your relieving from a few tasks." Maria answers. Melinda nods and the three fall silent.

"Anyway, you'll be discharged in a few hours, once you're done with all the tests," Maria says. "If you need anything, you know where to find either of us. If none, you can go home." Melinda nods and watches as her two superiors leave her room.

She has no idea how to tell Phil this news. She has no idea how she is going to tell her parents about this news. She has no idea how she is going to raise a baby. She's not even sure if she really _does_ want to keep her baby—their baby. She put her hand over her abdomen. It's not there yet, she doesn't feel any bump in it yet but now as she thinks about it, she can feel her baby growing inside of her. She's giving life. Melinda smiles and closes her eyes.

"Whatever's going to happen," she whispers, looking down at her abdomen. "Mommy will always take care of you."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Super sorry for the late update! :( here you go, Chapter 10!**

* * *

After having been discharged from the infirmary, Melinda passes by Victoria's office. "Hand, I'm going home." she says. Victoria looks up from her desk and stands up.

"No matter what, I'm always here, May." she assures her. Melinda smiles and nods as Victoria pulls her in for a hug. They pull away a few moments after.

"Thank you." With that, she exits her S.O.'s office and goes down and exits the building.

She hugs her coat tighter around her and adjusts her beanie as she walks down the streets of New York City. She lets out a breath and rubs her hands together to warm herself in the cold November breeze. She stops by a coffee shop and orders some tea as she sits down on one of the farthest booths. She suddenly hears a baby screaming, and her eyes widen. She scans around the room to find a baby when she does see a woman cooing and carrying a little baby girl. The woman turns her back to Melinda, so the baby faces Melinda with wide innocent eyes and a balled fist in her mouth. Melinda smiles softly at the baby who coos and gives her a gummy smile.

She looks back at her mug of tea. She can see scenes in her head wherein she'd be the mother in a matter of months, calming her baby when she's crying, patting her back and singing her lullabies before she goes to sleep—

Melinda doesn't even know if it's a boy or a girl yet. Melinda looks back at the baby girl whose head is now resting peacefully on her mother's shoulder. She'd want a baby girl. She'd want a little girl whose eyes are wide and innocent, and who looks like her but acts like her father. If her baby's a boy, then she hopes her son will have his mother's fighting skills and his father's looks. Melinda rests her hand absentmindedly on her abdomen. Either way, her baby will receive a whole lot of love from his or her mother.

And hopefully, father.

Melinda knows there'd be nothing wrong with Phil being a father. He would make an amazing father. He would teach their child when he or she is having difficulty in school, would always be there for his or her extracurricular competitions, would always cheer him or her up whenever their kid feels down. He would tell him or her about his favourite hero, Captain America, before tucking their kid at night. But there could be something wrong about Phil being the father of Melinda's baby, when they're not even together anymore. Phil's in love with someone else.

 _Phil Coulson is in love with someone else._

How would he take the news when Stoner tells him first? How would he take the news when _she_ tells him first? How would he take the news that he is having a baby with his _ex-girlfriend_ and colleague. Their shot a normal life was there when they settled down in Portland, and both had thrown the chance away by leaving each other and joining S.H.I.E.L.D. Melinda had accepted the fact that she will never have a chance to have a family of her own when she agreed to join S.H.I.E.L.D. six months ago. But now, here she is, five weeks pregnant with Phil's child, just as the thought of having a normal life may have escaped the both of them.

 _Thank you, universe,_ Melinda thinks to herself, _you've done it again_.

She finishes her mug of tea and stands up as she walks back to the busy and cold streets of New York. She stops her tracks when she finds herself in the street of Phil's apartment building. She turns and enters his apartment building without any hesitation. She climbs up to his apartment floor and stops in front of his unit. She slowly and quietly leans over the door.

She can hear his muffled voices and a woman's muffled laughter. Melinda swallows down her throat. _It's her_. She closes her eyes and leans over, listening to his muffled laughter. God, she misses him; his voice, his stories, his laughter, his dorkiness, his quirkiness, everything about him. Hearing his voice and laugh, no matter how muffled it is through this door, it warms her heart but at the same time, it aches. She sighs and lifts her weight off the door. She doesn't want to disturb any quality time with Phil and his new girlfriend. Whoever she was, she's making him happy, and she had no right to interfere with whatever that makes him happy.

She turns and leaves. She is about to reach the stairs when she hears a door open and close. She looks and saw Phil in the hall.

"Mel." he greets. She does not say anything, and she watches him approach her. "Hey, are you feeling fine? Are you hurt?"

She had to chuckle at his concern. "I'm fine, Phil, I…" This was her chance to tell him.

She couldn't.

"What are you doing here?" Phil asks. Melinda raises an eyebrow.

"I, uh, I was visiting an old friend," she lies. "Her unit's downstairs, I, uh, got one floor up wrong." Phil raises his eyebrows and nods.

"Uh, Mel, I just wanted to ask," Phil starts, tucking his hands inside his pockets. "Earlier during the mission, what happened?"

 _Your baby had to make sure his or her mother knows that he or she exists, Phil._ "Fatigue, I guess," she tells him. "I haven't slept much last night, and I've never really had the appetite these days." Phil nods.

"If something's wrong, you'd tell me, right?" he asks. Melinda sighs. "A-as a friend, of course." he adds tentatively. Melinda smiles.

"Of course, Phil." she says. "Good night."

"Good night, Mel."

Melinda goes down the stairs and Phil watches her go down the stairs. He sighs and leans against the railings. He goes back to his apartment unit to see Audrey getting water from his fridge.

"Who was that?" she asks casually, taking a sip from the water in her glass. He sighs.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. agent," he answers. "She's uh, visiting a friend."

"Was she the one in our door earlier?" she asks.

"No, no one was at our door earlier."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Making up for everything by updating as many chapters as I can before 2015 ends. Advance happy new year, everyone!**

* * *

The clock reads 11:43 PM on Phil's clock. Audrey had just left and he is left alone in his apartment, cleaning up the dishes from their dinner. It's cheaper and besides, he makes good dishes. Audrey loves the food he cooks, most especially in rare times like these when Audrey's in New York for their tour.

A month in their relationship and Phil just simply loves and adores Audrey. The stories they share together are longer, and they have had a lot of catching up to do. Last they've met, it was during their high school graduation and since then, they've never really seen each other. He shared his stories about his days in the Academy, and she had been telling him stories of her days in Juilliard, and how she went back to Portland to at least try to pursue a seat in the Portland Symphony.

When she asked him about Melinda, he told her everything. How Melinda had pranked students and professors in the Academy, how she would always kick his ass during sparring, how she would ask Phil to _help_ her do her papers, but in the end would have Phil _do_ her papers for her. Audrey had listened to every story he had to tell about Melinda.

Audrey had asked Phil where Melinda was assigned, and he had to reply that she's assigned in another state, although there is no other S.H.I.E.L.D. base apart from New York, but she didn't need to know that.

"Sounds like you really loved Melinda, huh?" she had commented earlier that night. His smile faded when he didn't know how to honestly respond to that. He did, he _loved_ Melinda. But does he still _love_ her?

His thoughts are disturbed when he hears a knock on his front door. He sets down the dishes he is washing and wipes his hands on the towel. He walks over to the front door and opens it.

"Director Stoner." he greets, surprised, seeing his boss in a grey shirt and denim jeans sporting a black cap and sunglasses.

"Don't call me that, Coulson, look at me, I look like a hobo." Stoner tells him, removing his cap and sunglasses. "Let me in, I need to talk to you." Phil opens the door wider and closes it as Stoner walks in his apartment. He sees the frames of Phil's diplomas and certificates he received from the Academy and framed pictures of him and his family. Stoner narrows his eyes when he picks out the framed picture of him and Melinda at the farthest back of all the framed pictures.

"Agent May and I are over, sir, if that's what you're thinking." Phil says, looking over at the frame Stoner had picked out from his deck of framed pictures on a table. The picture was taken during their graduation day at the Academy. Both Phil and Melinda have the same copy of the picture.

"I'm not here to discuss about your relationship with May, Coulson," Stoner says, putting the picture back on the table, putting it in front of the rest. "I'm here, however, to discuss something about May."

"M—Melinda May, sir?" Phil asks. "Is this about what happened to her in mission earlier?"

"Connected to that, yes," Stoner answers. "I don't know if anybody, Hill, Hand, May, had told you something but Agent May is pregnant with your child."

"What?" is Phil's immediate response. "I…Is the baby okay? When did she know? She went into mission earlier and—"

"May suffered from fatigue and nausea, Coulson, two signs of pregnancy," Stoner explains. "And while she was being checked in the infirmary, her blood sample did confirm that she is pregnant, five weeks, just before you got in S.H.I.E.L.D."

Phil doesn't know what to say. "Melinda just knew it…earlier?"

"After the mission." Stoner answers. "Now, I'm not here just to deliver the news. It seems like she never spoke to you about it."

"She was here earlier, and we talked…" Phil trails off. Stoner looks back at the pictures on Phil's table.

"Seems like you've moved on pretty fast for her to even tell you." Stoner says. Phil looks up and meets Stoner in the eyes.

"Have you seen her before you went here?"

"No, I went straight to you to explain to you everything that will happen to May," Stoner says. "I know she may not be your _anything,_ but she's carrying your child, Coulson, so I say you listen to me."

 _His child_. "Yes, sir, what will happen to her?"

"She will be relieved off of field assignment for a full year," Stoner starts. Coulson's eyes widen. "She'll be replaced by Romanoff for the moment, but May _will_ come back in the field. For a few months from now she can work on overseeing ops and giving briefings, but she can _never_ go in action on the field."

"Where will she go? I mean, once she can't oversee ops and brief agents any longer?"

"To her apartment or a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house in Long Island, either way S.H.I.E.L.D. will be protecting and taking care of her and the baby, part of protocol."

"Can I…perhaps take a leave to take care of them once the baby's born?" Phil asks tentatively, knowing he's testing dangerous waters here.

"We'll take care of the rest once the baby is born." Stoner says, leaving no more room for argument or further discussion. He walks over to Phil however, and tells him, "I hope this baby won't be a hindrance to your work in S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson, to both you and May. Both of you are one of the best agents I have."

"Understood, sir." Phil says, nodding his head.

"Good," Stoner says, putting his cap and sunglasses back on. "Agent May is in her apartment, you know where it is, if you want to do anything about what we just discussed." Before Phil could thank him any further, Stoner leaves Phil's apartment and when Phil looks out the hall, he's no longer there anymore.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Chapter 12 up!**

* * *

Before he could think of anything else, Phil grabs his coat and scarf and exits his apartment. He walks down the streets and a few more blocks before reaching Melinda's apartment building. He looks up to view the whole building before entering the front door and climbing the stairs up to the floor of her unit. He lifts his hand to knock on her unit when he pauses and sighs. He takes a deep breath and knocks on her apartment door thrice.

There's a few moments of silence. He doesn't know what to think. He's going to be a _father_. Here is his chance to actually have a normal life with Melinda but they've both moved on. He has a girlfriend and he and Melinda are both in S.H.I.E.L.D., having all sorts of possibilities to have a normal life is thrown out the window already.

Melinda opens the door and her eyes widen when she sees Phil on her doorstep. "Phil, it's the middle of the night and it's freezing, what are you doing?" she asks, rubbing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry, Mel," Phil says softly. "I just…I needed to talk to you as soon as I can."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow?" she asks, groggily.

"Mel, I have a combat op tomorrow morning…" he trails off, raising an eyebrow at Melinda who sighs and runs her hand through her hair. She purses her lips and nods.

"Stoner told you, huh." she says, matter-of-factly. She makes way for him to enter her apartment, and he immediately sits down to one of the chairs in her dining area. He looks around her dim apartment and sees a plain, non-personal apartment unit. She sits down across him, hands clasped together on the table. Phil looks at her.

"I'm sorry I never told you this earlier," she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry I didn't know…I could've risked the baby's life in that mission and—"

"Hey, Mel, ssh," He holds her clasped hands in his own hands. Her hands are cold, and he rubs his thumb over them to warm them. "You didn't know. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault, you don't have to be sorry for anything." Melinda looks up to meet his eyes. In the dim light, she looks so tired, so stressed and worried.

"Will you stay?" Melinda's voice is small, tentative when she asked. "I mean, when the baby is born and I…I decide to keep the baby, will you be there?" Phil gives her a small genuine smile.

"I'll be here even before the baby's born." he assures her. Melinda nods and purses her lips together. Phil knows that move very well. He stands up and pulls her in his embrace as tears begin to fall from Melinda's eyes. A silent sob escapes from her lips and Phil only tightens his arms around her, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"I don't think I can do this, Phil." she whispers against his chest. He strokes her hair softly.

"You won't have to do this alone, Mel," he tells her. "I'm here for you, and for our baby."

"Phil, you don't have to if you don't want to," she whispers. "I don't want you to be there just because you're scared of Stoner's orders and protocols or—"

"Mel, hey," He slowly pushes her back so he's looking at her straight in the eyes. "I want to be there for the baby, and nothing and no one's gonna stop me." Melinda looks away from him. "Not even Audrey's going to stop me." he adds. Melinda looks back up at him and swallows her throat. She licks her lips and nods.

"Okay." she answers softly. Phil smiles and pulls her back to his embrace, closing his eyes and savouring the familiar feeling of her touch, of her head resting on his chest, his chin resting on top of her head and her warm breath against him. He misses her. So bad. He doesn't know if it's wrong to even miss her because of Audrey, but right now, he just doesn't want to care anymore. The woman in his arms is carrying his baby.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asks softly. Melinda hums.

"You were with Audrey…I…" she trails off. "I couldn't just…interfere with…" He pulls away and looks at Melinda.

"This is going to be hard for us, won't it?" he asks. Melinda closes her eyes and sighs.

"It'll be harder," she replies. "Are you still sure you want to…stay?" Phil nods and gives her a smile.

"You should get some rest, Mel, you've had one hell of a day." he says. She sighs and nods. He leads her back to her bedroom and sits down at the edge of her bed as Melinda lies down on her bed and under her comforter. He looks at the nightstand and sees a framed picture of him and Melinda, the same picture he has in his apartment. He smiles sadly and looks down at Melinda to see her watching him. He strokes her cheek with his thumb and plants a kiss on her forehead.

"Good night, Mel," he whispers. He rests a hand on her flat abdomen. "Good night, baby." Melinda couldn't resist smiling.

"Good night, Phil, and baby says good night too." she says softly. He laughs softly and watches her as she closes her eyes. He stands up slowly and with one last look of Melinda's sleeping figure, he leaves Melinda's apartment.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I do not own anything except maybe Dr. Hogarth? Anyway, here's Chapter 13!**

* * *

Melinda had done exactly what she was told to do the moment she found out she was pregnant. She had been overseeing as much missions as she can and had been giving briefings to agents as much as she can take. Phil had been taking care of her, and since Audrey had moved back to Portland, he had spent most of his free time in Melinda's apartment, making sure that she's eating and taking care of herself.

They had spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year together. Melinda did not want her parents to come over her apartment, and she did not want to flee New York. Phil was determined to not leave Melinda alone on these occasions, besides Audrey was busy with _her_ own family and tours. Melinda had convinced Phil to travel to Portland for Audrey but Phil wasn't moved by any of it. Phil cooked dinner in Thanksgiving, the two went out for dinner on Christmas eve, and the two watched the fireworks over Times Square on New Year's eve.

But no, they weren't a couple.

They refused to talk about it. They would tell everyone it's too complicated to explain, or that it's a long story. They would just use the baby as the reason why they bond too much. They would explain that Audrey's always busy, and Melinda had to have someone to look out for her (Melinda hated this reason out of all, she is more than capable of taking care of herself.).

But both of them knew it's more than these given reasons.

For Phil, he secretly wishes it wasn't over. He could get _his_ shot of a normal life right now with Melinda. _But he has Audrey._ He loves her too much to even leave her. But Melinda? He knows in his heart that he could never love anyone as much as he loves Melinda. It's more than his baby, more than the days at the Academy and more than their missions in S.H.I.E.L.D. together. It's just… _her._

Four and a half months along in her pregnancy, Melinda can swear she had never been more thankful that the morning sickness stage is over, only to be replaced by back pains. She's used to it, though, but she'd gladly take the option to have her pregnancy in peace without the back pains.

Melinda had never been more thankful to Phil who has literally been by her side in their baby checkups. She remembered him recording the baby's heartbeat in his phone when they first heard it, and she remembered seeing the sonogram of their baby framed and is on top of his bedside table.

"Good morning, Agent May, Agent Coulson." Dr. Hogarth greets, when she enters the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility clinic to see Melinda already changed and lying down on the chair. Phil is sitting beside Melinda. The two smile at their regular doctor.

"We're back." Phil says in a light voice. Melinda rolls her eyes and smiles.

"And how's Mama May?" Dr. Hogarth asks.

"Morning sickness over, but it was replaced by back pains," she complains, frowning. "Can't I just carry my baby in peace and experience the pain in the end?" Dr. Hogarth chuckles and prepares her instruments.

"Oh, the sacrifices your body gives for a baby," she says. "And there will be a whole lot more when the baby grows up, you know."

"Starting to prepare our bank accounts already, thank you, doctor." Phil says. Dr. Hogarth laughs softly and opens the hospital gown to reveal Melinda's slightly big baby bump.

"And the bump's getting bigger, huh," she observes. Melinda smiles. "You'll have to relive yourself from missions already, Agent May, the bump could literally get in the way."

"Eh, I'm getting there." she replies softly. Phil grabs her hand and gives it a light squeeze.

Dr. Hogarth squirts cold gel over Melinda's bump and scans her device over it. Phil and Melinda look at the screen. They could almost see an actual figure of an actual baby.

"The baby's actually there." Melinda whispers, eyes not leaving the screen, in awe of what she's seeing. Phil is also watching the screen intently, taking in the head of his baby, and _really_ taking in the fact that he's seeing a glimpse of his baby.

"You're eighteen weeks along," Dr. Hogarth says. "Do you want to know the baby's sex?"

"Yes, please." Melinda replies, not missing a beat. She looks over at Phil who smiles at her and nods. Dr. Hogarth continues to move the instrument over Melinda's abdomen and smiles as she looks at the two. Phil and Melinda are looking at her expectantly.

"It's a normal healthy baby girl." she announces, grinning.

Melinda lets out a small laugh and covers her mouth with her hand as tears start to trickle her eyes. She's having a baby girl, a baby who can look like her and have her father's quirks and actions. She looks over at Phil, who is still looking at the monitor in awe. Phil diverts his gaze over to Melinda, and grins at her. He, too, cannot believe that he is having a baby girl.

"I'll print out a sonogram for the both of you," Dr. Hogarth says. "And after that, Agent May, you can go get changed so that you two can get back to the base, alright?" The two absentmindedly nod as Dr. Hogarth cleans away the gel from Melinda's abdomen and leaves the room, leaving the monitor on with the sonogram of their baby picture on it. The two can't get their eyes off of it.

"We're having a baby girl." Phil whispers to Melinda. Melinda nods as tears start to flow from her eyes. Phil presses a kiss on her temple and strokes Melinda's hair. "She's going to be as beautiful as her mother."

Melinda smiles and looks at Phil. She strokes his face softly with her right thumb and cups his face. "I've always thought of her looking like me and acting like you." she says softly. Phil laughs softly and is about to close the gap between them—

"Here are the sonograms." The two pull away from each other quickly, just in time before Dr. Hogarth enters the room with the pictures on her hand. Melinda quickly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand as Dr. Hogarth hands them their respective copies of the sonogram.

"Thank you, doc." Melinda says softly. The doctor looks at both of them.

"Congratulations to the both of you, and I mean it." The two look at her gratefully.


	14. Chapter 14

Laying off of field assignments and missions has been very hard on Melinda. Laying off of _any_ work at all took a pretty hard turn for Melinda just as much. She's stuck home in her apartment, watching VHS tapes, and had even borrowed Phil's VHS tapes when she was done with her collection, and Phil's collections weren't that much either. She stays in her apartment to wait for Phil to visit her apartment at night after work, and some nights, he couldn't visit Melinda because of overnight missions. It never really bothered Melinda. Who is she to be bothered? She's just really thankful to have him by her side.

On mornings when he'd stay overnight in her place, he would cook her breakfast and make her a cup of her favourite hot tea. She would watch him move around her kitchen as she would lean back in her seat and rest her hand on her growing bump. They would talk about each other's day, the new things Melinda saw in the news, or whatever it was that captured her interest when she was looking out her window. Phil would talk more, as he had the most interesting stories, about his training with Barton, or his missions to gather intel or go undercover.

On the nights when Phil would stay over at Melinda's place, he would sleep beside her in bed, wrapping his arms around Melinda and their unborn baby. Melinda didn't mind. She had always thought that Phil was doing all of these for their baby, which is more than fine with her. She didn't think it was anything else other than his love for his daughter, and she never thought it would affect his relationship with Audrey

That is, _if_ Audrey knows about their situation.

"Phil, can I ask you something?" Melinda asks him one night. They are both on the couch and are watching the news. Melinda's head is rested on Phil's lap, her legs stretched out on the couch and one hand resting on her big and still getting bigger baby bump. Phil is stroking her hair softly and hums to Melinda in response. He looks down to meet Melinda's soft brown eyes.

"What is it?" Phil asks.

"Have you told Audrey about…this?" she asks, making hand gestures. She doesn't really know what to call… _that_. Phil sighs and puts her hand down.

"No, I haven't." Phil admits. Melinda's eyes widen as she tries to sit up, scrunching her face when she fails. Phil supports her back and pushes her gently for her to be able to sit up. She turns to him with an expression that could be defined as either shocked, or angry, or both.

"Phil, I am about to give birth to your daughter in eight weeks and you're telling me you have _never_ told Audrey about it?" Melinda demands. "And don't give me that bullshit reason of her not needing to know. She _has_ to know, Phil. For _you._ "

Phil exhales loudly. "I'm not about to give that reason, Mel, and before you turn this to me, have _you_ even told your parents about _our_ daughter?" he asks. Melinda huffs.

" _You're_ the one who's turning the question." she mutters. Phil closes his eyes and sighs. _It's the hormones, it's the hormones._

"Alright, fine," he starts, opening his eyes to meet Melinda's. "I haven't told Audrey, but I'm planning to. I just don't want to tell her through telephone, I want to tell her in person. So far, it's not me who's having the problem, it's _she_."

"Why don't you go to Portland and visit her?" Melinda asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't want to leave you." Phil tells her.

"I'll be fine, Phil, the baby and I will be fine, just as long as—"

"No, Mel, I _don't_ want to leave you." Phil admits to her softly, looking down at his lap. Melinda's eyes soften as she opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. She looks down on at her hands.

"It was never over, was it?" she asks softly, slowly looking up at Phil who sighs and shakes his head slowly. He looks up to meet her eyes.

"I couldn't risk this in S.H.I.E.L.D.," he whispers. "I couldn't risk _ever_ losing you, especially now."

Melinda stays silent. There is a higher risk of Phil losing Melinda especially inside S.H.I.E.L.D., under Fury's watch, most especially now with a baby coming their way. She sighs. "We don't have to talk about this now." she tells him softly. He gives her a small smile and takes her hand in his.

"I've never stopped, Mel," he tells her. "I've tried so hard, but I don't think I _ever_ will." Melinda looks down at their hands. She knows what he means.

"Please don't ever stop." she whispers, enough for him to hear. Phil smiles softly and pulls himself closer to her as he presses a soft kiss on her forehead. Melinda closes her eyes and leans into his touch. He pulls away, allowing Melinda to turn and lean against Phil's body as Phil wraps an arm around her shoulder. Melinda rests her head against his chest, so that she could hear his heartbeat against his chest. Phil rests his hand on top of Melinda's, which is resting on her baby bump.

"What are we going to do?" Melinda asks softly. Phil sighs.

"I know what _I'm_ going to do," Phil replies. "But after that, I don't know."


	15. Chapter 15

"Phil, is there something wrong?" Audrey asks. Phil looks up and sees Audrey staring at him with a worried expression on her face. They had agreed to meet in a small-scale restaurant in Portland. Having to be there for a mission, Phil decided to make a pit stop to speak to Audrey about him and Melinda's… _situation_.

"No, nothing's wrong." Phil answers, shaking his head. "Why—why'd you ask?"

"Ever since I got here, you've been fidgety and normally you would talk much, but now you're not talking at all. You're just…staring." she says. "There's something wrong."

Phil sighs. "Audrey, I have to tell you something." Audrey raises her eyebrows expectedly at Phil.

"Go ahead, what is it?" Phil closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"I know in the end, I would just turn out to be the biggest asshole there is in the country," he starts. "But I need to do the right thing and tell you this." Audrey does not move muscle, listening to every word Phil says. "Melinda's pregnant, with my baby."

Audrey's eyes widen and blinks. She looks away and leans back on her chair. "Eight months pregnant," Phil adds. "And…I'm sorry I never told you this earlier."

Audrey looks at Phil in disbelief. " _This_ happened when we were already together." she concludes.

"Technically, it was a week before I moved out of Portland and a few months before we officially got together." Phil mumbles. Audrey frowns and shakes her head.

"And with only _four_ weeks away before she actually gives birth to _your_ baby?"

"You're in Portland, I'm in New York, Audrey, we're both busy."

"You could've told me the last time we saw each other!" she exclaims.

"Last time we saw each other was also the _night_ I found out, Audrey," Phil explains in a softer yet firmer tone. "And don't you think having to tell you personally would be better than having to tell you through the phone, if that's what you're suggesting."

"Yes, clearly it is," she says. "After _months_ of not seeing each other, after missing out on each other on holidays, _this_ is what you tell me. Let me guess, it was Melinda who suggested you to tell me, wasn't it?"

 _Technically, she did._ "I was planning on telling you." he says.

"And you had to wait for a mission to bring you to Portland to tell me this?" she asks, completely feeling ridiculed.

"What was I supposed to do, abandon my work and any other assigned missions that day just to tell you, 'Hey, Audrey, just wanted to drop by and tell you my ex is pregnant with my baby. Hope you understand.' and rush back to New York?"

"Well, wouldn't _that_ be so hard?" she asks in a mocking tone.

"You know my work very well, Audrey, and _you_ out of all people should understand how hard _this_ situation is for me, and for Melinda." he says in a low voice.

"What do you want me to do, feel sorry for the both of you?" she asks, her tone getting softer. "Phil, I'm sorry, but you put yourselves in _your_ situation you're in right now, it's your problem."

"I'm not asking for sympathy, Audrey," Phil says, raising an eyebrow. "I'm asking you to understand."

"Understand what, Phil?" she asks, her voice soft. "That you're going to have a normal family with her, when you know that it's going to be _completely_ impossible given the work the both of you have? Why do _I_ have to understand that?"

Phil is silent. Audrey closes her eyes and buries her face in her arms. She takes a deep breath and looks back into his eyes. "Is she still the one for you, Phil?" she asks softly.

 _She was, still is._ Phil thought. He won't lie. He can't. Melinda's still got a hold of him no matter how hard he tries to let go. And he must admit, there _have_ been times that he tried to let go. Most of the times, it was painful. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Not now, not _ever._

Audrey didn't need to hear Phil's answer as tears start to pool in her eyes. She slides her hands and takes Phil's in hers. She gives him a sad smile. "I _do_ hope you really get to have the life you want with her someday." Phil's eyes soften as she lets go, grabs her bag and slowly leaves the restaurant. Phil watches her wipe her eyes with the back of her hand until she drowns in the sea of people in Portland.

* * *

Phil comes home to Melinda's apartment that late afternoon, only to find her asleep on the couch with the television turned on. He turns the television off and puts his things down on the floor. He kneels down in front of Melinda and strokes her hair softly. She stirs and slowly opens her eyes. Phil smiles at her and she smiles back at him.

"You're here." she says in a hoarse voice. Phil chuckles softly and helps her sit up.

"I came from Portland." Phil tells her. Melinda looks at him questioningly.

"You went to see Audrey?" she asks tentatively. Phil bites his bottom lip.

"We broke it off." he says. Melinda looks at him, surprised. "Technically, she did, but I didn't stop her."

"Phil, I'm so sorry." she tells him softly. Phil shakes his head.

"It's fine, it wasn't going anywhere, anyway." he sighs.

"What happened?" Melinda asks.

"I told her everything," he answers. "I told her about you, and she started asking if…" he trails off, looking at her. Melinda raises an eyebrow. "If you're still the one for me, and not her."

There is a pause. "Am I?" Melinda asks tentatively. Phil gives her a sad smile and brushes her cheek softly with her thumb.

"You still are." he answers softly. Melinda returns the sad smile and takes hold of his hand. _This won't be easy._


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: YAY UPDATE**

* * *

Of course, _that_ day had to come. It's Melinda's ninth month, and she's due for at least another two weeks. They had prepared everything. Phil made the necessary contacts with S.H.I.E.L.D. in case in any _day_ of July Melinda would give birth. Melinda thinks she's ready. She had educated herself well enough on what to expect during the labour and the delivery itself. She had perhaps prepared herself for the possible pain intensity during labour, thanks to the trainings S.H.I.E.L.D. had given her, and the combat ops where she had to get shot in any body part.

Neither of them had expected, however, that Melinda would go into labour at _night_.

The two are sitting on the couch, watching the television, when Melinda feels a sharp pain wave rack her whole body. She shifts uncomfortably. The first few times, she ignores it, as the intervals are too far away from each other to even notice it coming. The next several times, she knows the baby's coming tonight, whether she likes it or not.

"Phil." she says, holding Phil's hand tightly as another wave of sharp pain racks her body. She groans and hisses. Phil widens her eyes.

"Is it tonight?" he asks.

" _No_ , no, not yet, Phil." she answers. She bites her bottom lip to prevent from screaming, however, when she feels yet another pain. Her eyes are filled with tears.

"Mel, I'm calling S.H.I.E.L.D.." Phil tells her, standing up, but Melinda grabs hold of his hand.

" _Don't_ you fucking leave me, Phil Coulson." she growls, and lets out a loud groan as she puts her hands on her baby bump. Phil sits down beside her and clears strands of hair away from her face. She is sweating profusely, and it's a humid July night.

"Mel, breathe, hey, follow me." Phil instructs, forcing Melinda to look at him. Phil takes deep breaths and Melinda follows him, and they go on for several minutes before Melinda feels another pain of contraction, making her cry out in pain. "That's it, we're going to the hospital." he says.

Phil stands up and uses Melinda's phone, dialled S.H.I.E.L.D.'s number (which Stoner had given him). "Agent Coulson here," he says, speaking after the beep, like what Stoner had told him to do. "Agent May is in labour."

In a matter of two minutes after Phil hangs up the phone, someone knocks on the door. Phil opens it and makes way as two S.H.I.E.L.D. nurses enter and guide Melinda to stand up. Despite the seething pain, Melinda stands up and relies on the two nurses for her to be able to walk. Phil grabs the bag of clothes Melinda and he had packed days ago, turns the television off, and follows after Melinda and the two nurses.

"Phil, Phil!" Melinda calls out, in between laboured breaths. Phil catches up and grabs Melinda's hand tightly beside her.

"I'm here, Mel, I'm here." he tells her softly. She looks at him with a pained yet relieved expression on her face and squeezes his hand.

"She can't wait until next week." she says. Phil chuckles.

"Impatient like her mother, apparently." Phil points out. Melinda glares at him but couldn't resist giving him a small and tired smile.

Phil and Melinda are led to a van. They ride inside, as the nurses start asking of how long the interval per contraction was.

"Seven minutes, last I checked, before Phil called you." Melinda answers, a wave of pain yet again hitting her body. She throws her head back as she prevents herself from screaming.

"Agent Melinda May, seven minutes interval of contraction. ETA to the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility hospital is five minutes, start preparing for the delivery room," one of the nurses say to a talkie. "Alright, Agent May, Agent Coulson, when we get to the facility, you'll be led to a delivery room. Doctor Hogarth will attend to you and facilitate your delivery."

"Thank you." Phil says, and the nurse nods in response. Melinda rests her head on Phil's shoulder and breathes heavily.

"After the baby comes out, I think I'll be needing more than one night of sleep." Melinda mutters.

"I don't think you can ever get a night of sleep when the baby is born." Phil points out.

"You'll be in charge of her at night." Melinda responds. Phil chuckles and stays silent.

When they get to the hospital, they are immediately led to a delivery room. Melinda is lying down on the bed, changed in her hospital gown, and Phil is beside her, her hand gripping his tightly. A nurse enters with the clipboard and a watch.

A worse wave of pain hits Melinda's body and she shudders and screams, squeezing Phil's hand tightly. Phil holds his breath, knowing that the pain Melinda is feeling because of the contractions in her uterus is worse than his contractions of his fingers. There's a moment of silence, apart from Melinda's heavy breathing, then another pain racks Melinda's body. The nurse looks at her watch and looks up at the two.

"A little less than a minute of interval," the nurse says. "Looks like you're ready, Agent May, I'll call in Dr. Hogarth." The nurse leaves and Melinda looks at Phil, worried.

"Phil, I'm not yet ready, I can't do this." she says. Phil levels down to her.

"Mel, she's coming. And I know you'll be a great mother. After this, the reward is more than everything we can ever ask for." Phil encourages. Tears slide down Melinda's cheeks.

"Alright, Agent May," Dr. Hogarth enters, checking at her. "Looks like your baby's ready to come out."

That's where Melinda starts pushing. She bites her bottom lip, preventing from screaming, only giving away small and soft whimpers and silent cries. She is squeezing Phil's hand tightly, and Phil just keeps on encouraging Melinda to push, occasionally stroking her hair to at least relax her for a bit. He wipes Melinda's tears streaming down her face, and Melinda eventually gives up holding back her screams as she lets out a hoarse cry.

"Okay, Agent May, I need you to give just one last final big push." Dr. Hogarth says. Melinda is breathing heavily, and she looks at Phil. Phil strokes her face softly.

"One last, Mel, and she's here." Phil encourages. Melinda nods, with tears on her face and bites her bottom lip as she gives one last final big—

The sound of a small voice crying suddenly fills the entire room. For a moment, Melinda feels the world around her stop as she listens to the small sound of crying she knows that's coming from her daughter. She lets out a soft cry and looks at Phil, who has tears in his eyes as well. She smiles at Phil as tears start to flow down from her eyes. Phil laughs softly and presses a kiss on her temple as they both listen to the small cry.

"And the little baby girl is here." Dr. Hogarth holds out to them a small, pink crying baby. Melinda looks at it with awe. "We'll let the nurses clean her up, so you can hold her." The nurses gently wipe the baby with a towel. One of the nurses wrap her around a pink towel and carries it gently to deliver it to Melinda. Melinda holds her arms up and the nurse gently transfers the newborn to Melinda.

Melinda looks at her baby. She is pink, small and she looks so fragile. The newborn opens her eyes to reveal huge light brown eyes, just like her mother's. She stops crying when Melinda holds the baby fist. The baby wraps her hand around her mother's finger and that's when Melinda could no longer hold back another set of new tears.

"Hi, baby," she whispers, kissing the small hand wrapped around her finger. "It's me, I'm your mommy." The baby lets out a small gurgle and Melinda laughs softly.

"She looks just like you." Phil says, still in awe of his baby; _his_ daughter. He touches the baby's small soft forehead.

"She's so fragile." Melinda whispers, not taking her eyes off the newborn in her hands. She then looks at Phil. "I know you want to take her." Without any words, Phil holds out his arms and Melinda gently transfers the newborn to Phil, who takes the baby in his arms. He adjusts his arms, feeling awkward of the way he is holding his baby, but later rests into a comfortable position. Like Melinda, he is in awe of the little baby in his arms.

Melinda watches as Phil coos at their daughter and smiles when Phil lets out a soft laugh. She would want to get used to this scene. She would trade anything for the world to come home everyday to this scene. She leans back on her bed and doesn't take her eyes off of Phil and their baby. Phil plants a small and soft kiss on the baby's forehead and looks at Melinda who holds out her arms. Phil gently transfers their baby back to her mother's arms, when she starts crying.

"Little girl's hungry." Melinda mumbles, stripping off the side of her hospital gown so she can nurse and feed the newborn. Eventually, after a few moments, the newborn starts to fall asleep in her mother's arms.

"Seems like the little girl had one hell of a day, huh," Phil says softly, watching his daughter fall asleep. "And so did you." Melinda smiles.

"It's all worth it, Phil, _all_ of it." she whispers, planting a soft kiss on the baby's forehead.

Neither of the two notice it when one of the nurses stick in a needle on both of them, allowing no room for reactions when Phil falls on the ground unconscious and Melinda back on her bed, also unconscious.

"Take the baby, careful not to stir May up," Stoner orders in a low voice from the door of the delivery room. "She's _always_ stronger than any of the meds in here." One of the nurses carefully take the baby from Melinda's arms and walks past Stoner to the hall. Stoner walks in and carefully sits Phil on the chair beside Melinda's bed. He tidies Melinda's hospital gown carefully and exits the room slowly.


	17. Chapter 17

Melinda wakes up, vision blurry and head throbbing. She hears the muffled sound of Phil's voice shouting outside. She couldn't make out the words he's saying. She looks down and begins to panic when she realises the baby isn't with her. She looks around the room, and tries to sit up but is held back by the pain in her abdomen and head. She groans and breathes heavily, trying to calm herself from the panic of her missing newborn.

Phil walks in the room, eyes red, shirt disheveled, and expression a mix of worry, anger and distress. He stops when he sees Melinda awake, looking at him.

"Phil…" Melinda calls out softly. Phil doesn't say anything and just stands at the far end of the room, unwilling to enter. His eyes look tired, and he starts breathing heavily. "What happened?" Melinda asks. Phil shakes his head.

"I should've stopped him…" he mutters, but Melinda hears it clearly. Her head is throbbing and her heart is beating fast against her chest. She furrows her eyebrows, feeling tears start to form in her eyes.

"Who?" she asks softly, her voice breaking. Phil's eyes suddenly fill with tears again.

"I saw him and I should've stopped him…" he says, a little louder than the last one. "I should've stopped Stoner." He walks a few steps forward from where he was standing. " _He_ took our baby, Melinda."

Melinda's brows furrow further and she swallows down her throat. She shakes her head, closes her eyes and tries to comprehend what Phil had just said. She _couldn't_ understand. "What do you mean, Phil? Please, _tell_ me." she begs, ignoring the pain in her abdomen as she sits up, reaching her hand out to Phil. Phil looks away as tears flow down his eyes. He balls his fist on his sides.

"I saw a nurse injecting a serum to the both of us," he says, still not looking at Melinda. "She was fast, and I didn't have any time to react. It was a heavy sleeping serum, and we both fell asleep, but before _I_ did, I saw Stoner enter the room and that was the last of it."

Melinda bites her bottom lip and swallows again. "It may not be Stoner, Phil." she whispers.

"I spoke to the other nurses when I woke up," he continues. "And I panicked when I didn't see the baby anywhere. They said they saw him walk out of the room with the baby, and just fifteen hours ago, he had resigned from being director and disappeared."

"And he took _our_ baby?" Melinda asks, completely not understanding this. "Why would he take her when he will resign?"

"I don't know, Mel, I _don't_ know," Phil says loudly, finally looking at Melinda, his cheeks stained with fresh tears. "I've done everything I can but _this_ happened twenty hours ago and…"

It's like as if all sound from her surroundings had faded. Melinda looks down at her hands and tries to focus on it, feeling her surroundings spinning. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know what to feel. Twenty hours ago, she just gave birth to her and Phil's beautiful baby girl, and not even an hour with her, _she_ was taken away from Melinda, without her even noticing it nor feeling it.

Why would Stoner do that? What does he want from the baby? From Melinda? From Phil?

Melinda tries to mentally list down every question she has, and the worst thing out of _all_ the questions she is forming in her head…

She doesn't feel _anything_ at the moment.

There's no ache in her heart. There are no tears in her eyes. There's no driving and flaming anger in her head. There's no urge to stand up and punch the nurses in the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility for following the _resigned_ director of S.H.I.E.L.D.. There's not even a bit of an urge to hunt him down.

She just wants to be with her baby again.

She looks up at Phil. "Phil," she says softly. Phil looks back at her, the same expression still on his face, only this time, it's way, _way_ worse. "She's gone." she whispers.

"And you're giving up just like that?" Phil asks softly, but with a tone of accusation in his voice, ridicule even. "That's it, 'she's gone'?"

Melinda opens her mouth to say something, but there's nothing to say. She doesn't know what to say. She feels helpless, and she absolutely _dislikes_ the feeling of being helpless. Perhaps she is still trying to recover from the shock that her baby is gone, kidnapped by the resigned S.H.I.E.L.D. director Rick Stoner, who had gone into hiding, with a newborn and with God knows what plans he has in his mind.

She needs time, time to think all of these through. She needs time to understand that the one good thing that's left in their lives is _gone._ The last and only shot of her having something both good and normal is _gone_ , taken away from her. What had she done for her to lose her love of her life the first time and lose her own flesh and blood? Does she not deserve _any_ of those?

She doesn't notice Phil leaving the hospital room, leaving Melinda alone drowning in her own thoughts of self-accusation and emptiness. _What had she done?_

"It's _my_ fault." she mutters to herself, staring at the open door of her hospital room.

* * *

 **A/N: This story is drama, right? Something bad had to happen :( review away!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Is it happy new year in your place yet? Nonetheless, Happy New Year to you, guys!**

* * *

Melinda still complies with the protocol Stoner had given her months ago: a year of laying off of field work assignments and missions. She still has three months to spare before she goes back to work, and the solitude of her apartment has been her only company, apart from the visitors she has in her apartment on some days.

Maria had visited her on her first day of leave that month, and it was a surprising visit, if Melinda had to be honest. She had told Melinda that Nick Fury, who had worked alongside his predecessor, is the new S.H.I.E.L.D. director and that Maria is Fury's new deputy which came as a shock for everyone who was expecting Romanoff to be Fury's deputy. However, Fury revealed that he had better plans for Romanoff, which is the reason why he chose Maria instead. She also had offered Melinda her sympathy, and knew how it felt to lose someone they love, but Melinda was determined that she would find her baby, so she isn't losing anyone. Maria sighed at her response.

"Nobody knows what's in Stoner's head other than Stoner," she had told Melinda. "You know the guy, he takes what he wants and leaves no trail of it."

"There's _always_ a trail of everything, Maria," Melinda, on the other hand, had replied. "Even someone like him can leave at least a tiny bit of trail."

Maria came back a week later telling Melinda of a story of a whole village killed in the Hunan province in China. S.H.I.E.L.D., supervised by Stoner himself, had covered a mission there the week before Maria had told her the story, and it's to recover an 0-8-4 from Hydra's hands. Whatever the 0-8-4 was, Maria believed it to be dangerous yet valuable, most especially it being the reason why a whole village was killed because they were trying to protect the 0-8-4. The agent responsible for recovering the 0-8-4, Agent Linda Avery, was killed in action, and his partner, Richard Lumley, had gone off the radar, both not recovering the 0-8-4, whatever it was.

Melinda didn't know why Maria had told her about the mission. She thought perhaps it would help keep Melinda up to date with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s biggest missions, or just for the sake of telling something to drive Melinda away from the thoughts of her missing child. She did not expect it, however, when Maria showed her a redacted document of the incident, with only the date of Melinda's daughter's birth is shown on the page, uncensored.

"This was Stoner's last mission before he disappeared from the radar," Maria had explained to her. "He was there in Hunan, and I saw the document. He was there the day Avery died, and disappeared also that date. This couldn't be a coincidence, May, the mission in Hunan, this document, Stoner, these could be leads to finding your baby."

Melinda had told Maria she appreciated the help and the effort, and asked if Phil had known about the mission and the redacted document.

"I wanted to tell you first before him," she said. "Figured that since you work quite more efficiently than he does, you'd be able to work on something."

"I'm stuck in my apartment for three more months, Maria, with _no_ resources," Melinda explained. "Meanwhile, Phil's in S.H.I.E.L.D., maybe he'd want to do something about it."

Maria had eyed her carefully that day. "You're refusing to look any further." she concluded. Melinda sighed.

"If my daughter was in Hunan the time the incident happened, and it will turn out she died along with the other villagers, I'd rather not look further, Maria."

"What if she wasn't killed?"

" _Whole_ village, Maria, you said it yourself—"

" _You're_ refusing because _you've_ given up."

 _Somehow._ Melinda thought that Maria could never be more right. She sighed and resigned herself from any more arguments against Maria.

Phil visits Melinda every night, only without her noticing his physical presence. He comes to visit to check on her every time he goes off from work. He would find Melinda asleep on the couch and he would carry her to her bed and lie down and rest with her for the night. In the morning, he would wake up early, cook breakfast for Melinda, go back to his apartment to bathe and change, and go to work; all done before Melinda would wake up to the faint smell of Phil on her bed beside her and the smell of breakfast in her kitchen.

He also calls Melinda during the day at least once, to check if Melinda had eaten her breakfast and if she had lunch. For her, it's annoying. She is fully capable of taking care of herself despite distress. She doesn't need any help at all. Phil knows of her capability of being able to take care of herself, and that's the thing. Taking care and helping Melinda is _his_ way of coping from the loss. She decides to just go and play with it. Besides, it doesn't cost her much effort with Phil's help.

Weeks pass by and it's still the same routine. This time, however, there are some days when she feels a certain kind of absence beside her bed, and there's no food on her table. There aren't any rings from the telephone nor messages in her answering machine. This goes on for a few weeks, until there is completely no more essence of Phil beside her bed, no more rings on the telephone nor messages in her answering machine.

She opens her dresser only to find that thew few clothes he supposedly has in her place are gone. For Melinda, that was the end of it.

Two months in Melinda's leave, she is sitting on her couch, sipping a cup of tea one cold morning. A month to go before she goes back to S.H.I.E.L.D., and surely things will be different once she goes back. She will have to re-introduce herself to the new director, Nick Fury, and catch up with more trainings with Victoria and Maria. She would drown herself in missions and ops, to keep her mind and body busy. It's _her_ way of coping.

She wonders how Phil is coping. She wonders if Phil is also doing the same method of coping as she is, and drowns himself in missions. She wonders how he is doing.

She sets her tea on the side table and stands up. She walks to her room and opens her closet. She squats and pulls out a box underneath all her hung clothes. She opens it and takes the small pair of baby shoes she had bought months ago, when she thought everything will turn out fine with her baby. For months, she never shed a tear on what happened. It's not that she's fine with what happened, it's just that she never really thought of it.

But now looking at the small baby shoes which will never be worn again, she sits back down and leans against her bed frame, holding the small shoes against her chest. For the first time in _months_ , she begins to cry, for the baby she gave birth to but had never met.

* * *

 **A/N: I mentioned the Hunan incident there. It will be a big part of the pic (woops, spoiler) but don't get too assuming on stuff, though! ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Yay, update!**

* * *

"Welcome back to S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent May."

Melinda gives a small smile and a nod. She enters the base and walks down the hall, with other agents' eyes trained on her. She looks and walks straight ahead.

"May!" She hears Clint's voice from behind. She turns and smiles when she sees him approaching her. "Welcome back." He extends his hand to her, she takes it and shakes it.

"Thanks, Barton." she says, letting go of his hand.

"How are things holding up with you? Have you met the new director, Fury?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm great, and no, I haven't," she answers. "Although I am expecting a call to his office within the day."

"Bet you will," He nods. "Have you seen Coulson yet?" Melinda shakes her head. "Do you want me to get him or something?"

"No, it's fine." she says. Clint nods.

"Suit yourself, then," he says. "I'll see you around, Agent May." He turns and leaves. Melinda bites her bottom lip and sighs as she watches Clint leave. He turns to a corner and disappears from Melinda's sight, only to be replaced by the sight of Natasha.

"Melinda?" Natasha stops on her tracks and smiles when Melinda smiles at her. Natasha walks quickly towards her and envelops her in a quick hug. "Welcome back, hey, everyone's been talking about returning and I had to see it myself."

"Thank you, Nat." she responds quietly. Natasha sighs and looks at Melinda in the eyes.

"How have you been?" Natasha asks. Melinda shrugs.

"Fine, ready to work again." she answers. Natasha holds Melinda's arms.

"Are you sure you're fine?" she asks. Melinda sighs. Natasha knows when someone's keeping something from her. Natasha knows when someone's lying, and in this case, Natasha knows Melinda isn't telling her the _full_ truth. She just wants Melinda to be the one to acknowledge it.

"I'm getting there, Nat," Melinda tells her softly. "It'll take time, but you don't have to worry about me."

"I'm your friend, Melinda, it's my job to worry about you, whether you like it or not." Natasha smiles at her sadly. Melinda purses her lips and gives her a small smile and a nod. "I'll see you around." Natasha lets go of Melinda and walks away from her. Melinda bites her bottom lip.

"Agent May," someone approaches her. "Deputy Hill wants to see you in her office now."

"Copy that." she responds, as the one who approached her gave her a small smile and walked away. Melinda sighs and walks her way to Maria's office. She stops by the door beside a huge two-door room which she knows to be the director's office. She knocks thrice and waits.

"Come in." She hears Maria's voice in the other side. Melinda hears a beep from the door and turns the knob. Maria has her back turned from the door, looking at her big window. Melinda closes the door and Maria faces her, a small smile creeping on her mouth.

"Welcome back, Agent May." she greets, moving to her desk. Melinda smiles and nods.

"Deputy Hill," she says, sitting down on one of the chairs. "I must say I'm not surprised."

"I am," Maria responds with a chuckle, sitting down on her chair opposite Melinda. "Expected the burden to fall on Romanoff but it fell on me."

"The new director trusts you." Melinda points out with a raised eyebrow.

"You haven't met him yet," Maria says. "You will, in a matter of minutes after this. His name is—"

"Director Fury, I know, you've told me." Melinda says, cutting Maria off her statement. Maria nods.

"He's better than Stoner, if you ask me." Maria tells her quietly. Melinda swallows and looks down at her hands. Maria sighs. "I'm sorry, I really am, until now."

"It's fine." Melinda responds quietly.

"Coulson's having a hard time coping as well," Maria says. "And he never takes a break from missions and retrieval ops since then."

Melinda nods and looks up to meet Maria's eyes. "Maria, is there any chance you can uncover the redacted document about the incident in Hunan?" she asks. Maria raises an eyebrow at her.

"I can, I have access," she says. "But _you_ don't."

"At least tell me what's in there." Maria sighs.

"You know I can't do that, May, especially not now." Maria tells her. "As much as I really want to show it to you, to tell you _everything_ that's in there, I have my orders too."

Melinda sighs and nods. Maria leans back and watches Melinda. "You're not giving up after all." she says. Melinda shakes her head and leans back to her own seat.

"No, I'm not." Melinda says softly. She stands up and goes to leave.

"May," Melinda stops in her tracks. Maria stands up from her seat and slowly walks over to Melinda. Melinda looks down at her feet. "I know that look. I know what you're gonna do." Melinda stays quiet, her back facing Maria. "Don't force it, May, there's _nothing_ more than redacted documents."

"I can have access to the previous missions." Melinda responds.

"Which will lead to _more_ redacted documents," Maria says, walking over in front of Melinda to meet her eyes. "May, the mission in Hunan was confidential when it started, and when it happened, and Avery was crossed off, it was no longer confidential, but highly classified."

" _You_ told me these could be helpful leads in finding her," Melinda says. " _You_ suggested the idea yourself, and even accused me of giving up when I declined the idea."

"And I was wrong to," Maria says, softly. "I searched it myself and saw redacted documents. _I_ was given an order to keep it confidential from everyone in this agency, May, and I follow my orders."

"What was the 0-8-4, Hill?" Melinda asks, gritting her teeth. If Maria is anything but surprised, she doesn't show it, but instead just stares at her.

"It's classified, May," she tells her firmly. "Why would you want to know? No, you know what, you will have to stay out of it unless you are permitted to look into it."

"Am I?" Melinda asks. "You told me this is a lead to finding—"

"I said it was a _possible_ lead to your daughter, May, but that doesn't mean that it _is,_ " Maria tells her. "You have to stand _within_ your grounds, Agent May, stay away from files not within your level. That's an order." Maria says, her voice firm and eyes narrowing at Melinda, whose eyes are also narrowed at Maria. Melinda breathes deeply and stands down.

"Yes, ma'am." she responds in a low voice.

* * *

 **Again, the Hunan province incident is mentioned there as some of you guys might be familiar with it. ;) But then again, don't assume!**

 **Review away!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Update!**

* * *

"Hill," Maria and Melinda look at Maria's pager. "Send Agent May to my office now." Maria looks at Melinda, who looks back at Maria with a confused look on her face.

"Director Fury wants to see you." Maria tells her, as she walks over to her pager.

"Why?" Melinda asks.

"Copy that, director," she talks to the pager, and she looks at Melinda. "Debriefings. There are a few modifications of protocols and policies, and he wants to discuss about _you_ as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent." Maria goes over to her door and nods at Melinda. Melinda follows her from behind. Maria opens the door to the new director's office and lets Melinda enter in first.

Nick Fury is sitting on his chair, and looks at Melinda immediately when she enters. He nods at Maria. "Leave us." Fury says. Maria nods and closes the door, leaving Melinda standing in front of his desk. "Agent May." He nods, gesturing at the seat on the other side of his desk across his seat. Melinda sits down on the chair.

"Director Fury," Melinda nods at him. "What…what am I—"

"I heard about what happened just a few months ago," Fury tells her. Melinda stops and leans back at her chair, eyes not leaving the director in front of her. "I'm sorry to hear about that, I really am, and as much as possible, I would like to offer whatever I can to help you find your daughter."

Melinda raises her eyebrows. "But we will be discussing that later," Fury dismisses. "First I would like to discuss your status, your abilities and everything that's in your record."

Fury proceeds with discussing about Melinda having to train as an ace pilot, and a specialist field agent. She will no longer be training under Victoria Hand, but under Natasha Romanoff, which means more combat than arms. She will also begin flying a plane, still under Maria Hill's supervision. She will also advance to level four.

"For your missions, the team that you worked with in your last field mission is still your team, only Hill will be removed since she's the new deputy. Agent Barton is heading the team, meaning he will be the one giving orders and briefings. Understood?" Melinda nods, for the nth time since Fury began talking. "I trust that there will be no problems with you working with Agent Coulson, is there?"

"None, sir." Melinda answers monotonously. Fury nods and leans back on his chair.

"Now about your daughter," Fury starts. Melinda raises her eyebrows at her superior. "I heard about you wanting to know what _fully_ transpired in Hunan three months ago, Hill told me." Melinda nods. "But I would like to agree with her and tell you that you can't uncover the redacted documents regarding the mission."

"What?" Melinda asks, completely blurting out the question without meaning it. Her eyes widen when she realised what she had just said.

"You're clearance level four, Agent May, a fresh clearance level four," Fury says. "And even though Stoner was the one who redacted the document itself to clearance levels below nine, I can't uncover the document. It's still classified."

"You've seen it yourself, sir." Melinda says, raising an eyebrow.

"Read it with my own eyes," Fury nods. "And you wouldn't want to read it. Some bad stuff on those documents."

"What was the 0-8-4, sir?" Melinda asks. Fury eyes her.

"Why would you want to know?" he asks her. Melinda is silent. There are a million questions in her mind, and she does not trust herself that once she opens her mouth, she will not stop asking them. Fury leans over to her. "There _was_ no 0-8-4."

Melinda frowns at him. "Sir, a whole village died trying to protect the 0-8-4, that's what _they_ said—"

"That _was_ what transpired," Fury cuts her off. "But whatever the 0-8-4 was, nobody knew. Nobody found out. Avery was crossed off trying to retrieve it and Lumley disappeared. We lost two of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best and brightest trying to retrieve an _unknown_ object."

Melinda sinks back further in her chair. "Stoner was in Hunan the same time the incident happened, the same date Avery was crossed off. That's what Hill told me. My daughter could be _killed_ in Hunan, or she could be…" she trails off, shaking her head and looking at Fury. "She could still be there."

"You're constructing a different story based on _no_ solid evidence, Agent May," Fury tells her with a warning tone. "Whatever happened in Hunan will stay in Hunan, and _you_ will have to stay out of it."

Melinda bites her bottom lip and closed her eyes. Fury bows down and looks up at Melinda again. "We've had agents search all over the village the next morning, and there wasn't any baby. All that's left were bodies of the adult villagers, Hydra agents and S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. You're baby's not in the Hunan province, Agent May." Fury explains softly. Melinda licks her bottom lip as tears start to well in her eyes. She nods and looks down at her hands.

"Thank you, sir." Melinda says softly, nodding and standing up.

"Agent May, does your daughter have a name?" Fury asks, before Melinda could open the door. She stops and closes her eyes, shaking her head.

"I didn't get the chance to give her one." she says in a low voice before leaving Fury's office.


	21. Chapter 21

Phil drops all of his things on a bunk in a plane with his team. Fury had decided to give Clint's team a plane, being as they are always the team going to and from places for missions. Clint had instructed everyone to pack most of their belongings and bring it on board, since they will stay in the plane almost indefinitely. Being one of the members of Clint's team, here he is, in his new small bunk in a big plane, unpacking his belongings and organising it.

He got to the plane a little too early than the rest. When he got in, Clint was still the only one on board, and he is in the cockpit, preparing and heating the engine of the plane. The team is supposed to assemble by ten in the morning. Phil came in the plane at eight in the morning, just a few minutes after Clint came.

It is now nine in the morning and Phil hears muffled voices from outside his bunk. He hears the opening and closing of other bunks beside and across him and he hears footsteps and dropping down of briefcases. He opens the door in his bunk and sees Victoria, who is staying across his bunk.

"Good morning, Coulson," Victoria greets, with a small smile on his face. "I heard you're in here early today."

"I am," he says. "Gives me the time to organise my things more." Victoria chuckles.

"For a man, you're awfully more neat than I am." she says. Phil smiles and resumes fixing his things.

"Hand, Coulson, I need you in the main room immediately." Clint comes in, looking at the two.

"Are the others here yet?" Phil asks.

"The team's complete, and we have a new mission. Be there in two minutes." Clint says, walking away from the bunks.

"First mission as a new team," Victoria says, abandoning all her things scattered in her room. Phil looks at it with a scrunched face. "Are you excited?"

Phil closes his bunk door and smiles. "Just like Christmas." Victoria smirks and closes her bunk door as the two walk to the main room.

Clint is standing in front of Natasha and Melinda. The three are sitting on the couch and turns to look when Phil and Victoria enter the room. Melinda holds Phil's gaze for a moment before looking down and turning away. Phil swallows and sits down beside Natasha. Victoria sits down beside Melinda who smiles at her former student.

"We found intel in a coffee shop in Sausalito, California. The mission's simple, really, go in, retrieve the intel and get out. This is a retrieval op, people, not a combat op, so no arms." Clint explains.

"Who's going in?" Natasha asks. Clint looks at Phil and Melinda.

"May and Coulson." Clint replies. "Nat, Hand, you'll be overseeing the mission here with me. We'll keep it down to two people minimise probable suspicions."

"Any idea whose intel are we about to retrieve?" Melinda asks.

"No clear idea yet," Clint says. "Intel is most likely affiliated with Hydra, but that's the worst case scenario."

"What's the intel for?" Natasha asks.

"The intel could lead us to a gifted scientist's whereabouts, and by gifted, I mean _Index_ gifted." Clint explains. "But this mission is all about the retrieval of the _intel_ only, and the intel alone. Understood?" Everyone nods.

"May, Coulson, we'll be dropping you off at a small-scale coffee shop, and Coulson, I want you to be the one to retrieve the intel located inside the storage room in the coffee shop. May, you'll serve as a distraction to the barista." Clint instructs.

"Distraction?" Phil asks, raising an eyebrow. Clint sighs and looks at Melinda, who is also raising her eyebrow in confusion.

"We've overseen the coffee shop, the barista's a guy. May, you know what to do." Clint says. Natasha and Victoria laugh quietly beside Melinda who is smirking and nodding her head. Phil frowns but doesn't say anything.

"Questions, anyone?" Clint asks, looking at his team members who all shake their heads. "Alright, Nat, what's our ETA?"

"Ten minutes tops, we'll be landing soon." she says, standing up. She nods at Clint who nods back at her as she walks to the cockpit.

"May, Coulson, time to prep." Clint says, raising his eyebrows at the two who nod and stand up to walk over to their bunks.

"Mel," Phil calls to her softly before she enters her bunk. She looks at him. "You'll be okay, right?" he asks.

"Of course," Melinda answers softly. Phil gives her a small smile. "Will you?" she asks. Phil nods.

"I know you'll cover me if things go wrong." Phil replies. Melinda laughs softly and nods.

"You know I will." she says with a smile before entering her bunk.

* * *

 **Review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Okay, remember in 2x04 when Coulson mentioned something in Sausalito while he was dancing with May? Yeah well this chapter is about what could have happened in Sausalito, but that's just in the fic's case of course!**

* * *

Phil and Melinda walk down the streets of Sausalito. Melinda is in a summer dress and is also wearing flats, while Phil is wearing khaki shorts and floral shirt and another shirt underneath it. Before leaving, Melinda had laughed at what Phil was wearing, telling him that he looked like he was going to the beach in Hawaii rather than a coffee shop in California. But Phil, he was in awe of how beautiful and rare it is to see Melinda in a summer dress.

Phil's hand brushes against Melinda's and Phil decides to grab hold of her hand, wrapping his fingers around her hand. Melinda also wraps her fingers around his hand, a small smile forming on her lips.

"You know we're not supposed to be a couple in this op, right?" Melinda asks Phil quietly. "I'm about to seduce a barista in five minutes and it won't work if he sees us holding hands." Phil smiles and looks at her.

"I know, I just wanted to hold your hand," Phil says, giving her hand a light squeeze. "I've missed you, and I miss having this moment with you." he admits quietly. Melinda looks at Phil and smiles softly at him.

The two turn to the corner where the coffee shop is and stops. Phil lets go of Melinda's hand and looks at her. "Your talkie's working fine?" he asks. Melinda nods.

"Yours?" Phil nods. "Be safe, Phil." she says. Phil nods again and leans over to plant a quick kiss on Melinda's forehead. Melinda smiles and enters the coffee shop first.

Melinda takes a seat on the high stool of the counter. She starts fixing her hair and looking at the barista with a small smirk on her face. The barista is cleaning mugs and couldn't stop looking at Melinda. The barista puts down the mug he's cleaning and slowly walks over to Melinda, a smile forming on his lips. Phil enters and takes a booth not far from where Melinda is sitting, but is also near the storage room.

"What would a beautiful lady like you want something on a pretty day?" he asks. Melinda giggles and Phil had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the barista.

"What kind of tea do you have…" Melinda trails and looks at the barista's name plate. "Lucas?"

"Do you prefer hot tea or iced tea?" he asks, leaning closer to Melinda. "Either way, I could always make something good out of it." he adds in a low voice and winks. Melinda giggles.

"What kind of _hot_ stuff do you have, Lucas?" she asks, a small smirk forming on Melinda's lips as she looks down at his body. Lucas grins.

"The only hot stuff around here is you, beautiful lady," Lucas says, not removing his grin off his face. "And down _here_ , if you really want to know." Melinda leans in closer until her face is almost just an inch away from his.

"Maybe tonight if you give me a call, I'd find out." Melinda says in a low voice, smirking while biting her bottom lip. Phil takes this as a sign that he should enter the storage room. He stands up quietly, and walks over quickly to the storage room door, opening the door quietly with a universal key. He enters it and sees stacks of boxes of utensils and ingredients.

Phil takes out his talkie. "I'm in the storage room." he says, pressing a button.

"Don't get too pissed now, Coulson, you know Melinda won't go out with that guy." He hears Natasha's playful voice from the talkie, followed by the muffled laughter of the others. He rolls his eyes.

"Where's the intel located?" Phil asks, clearly not liking the subject.

"If you go straight ahead, there's a backdoor, and the intel's probably located inside it." Clint says. Phil walks straight past the boxes and ingredients and sees a door. He takes out his universal key and opens it, only to find rows of drawers inside the room.

"Barton, where is it?" he asks.

"Fifth row, sixth locker." Clint replies. Phil makes a face.

"Fifth from the right or fifth from the left?" he asks. He hears Clint sighs on the other end.

"Fifth from the left, Coulson, how do you read and count stuff?" Clint replies, exasperated. Phil walks over to the fifth row and counts one, two, three, four, five…sixth locker. He opens it but an alarm is triggered.

Lucas takes out a gun and points it at Melinda. The other customers stand up from their seats as two waiters take out their guns and point it at Melinda. Melinda slowly stands from her seat and raises her hands up at Lucas.

"Anybody who exits this coffee shop will be shot," Lucas announces, and looks at Melinda. "Looks like we've got a bad girl in the house." he says in a low voice, smirking at Melinda who is glaring at him. Melinda looks around her, and looks at the two waiters beside her, their guns pointing right at her. She looks at Lucas.

"I could've liked you, you know." she tells him in a low voice, giving him a wink before she grabs the arm of the waiter on her right and uses him as a shield when the waiter on her left pulls the trigger, shooting the other waiter dead on his chest. Melinda begins throwing punches and kicks at the other waiter. The customers begin screaming and running out from the coffee shop when Lucas hops over the counter and pulls the trigger when Melinda ducks, shooting the other waiter on his chest. Melinda stands back up and kicks the gun away from Lucas's hand. Lucas tries to grab it from the ground as Melinda gives him another kick before running out from the coffee shop.

Melinda runs on the sidewalk, against the flow of people going in the opposite direction. She turns to look back and sees Lucas running far behind her but on sight. She turns the corner and sees a bay. She takes a look at her surroundings and without thinking, jumps off the board and into the water. She swims and takes cover under a walk board, lifting a small portion of her head up to look for Lucas, who looks around the bay area and runs further, not seeing Melinda in the water. Melinda heaves a sigh of relief and stays put to where she is, in case Lucas goes back.

Phil holds onto the file, trying to contact Melinda through the talkie but only hears static noises. "Barton, do you have any contact of May?" he asks, his teeth gritting.

"Her tracker's also gone." He hears Victoria's muffled voice in the other line. Phil's heart starts beating fast. Where the _hell_ is she? Is she okay? Is she hurt?

"I'll look for her." Phil says, and starts walking.

"Coulson, the _intel._ " Clint says.

"I have it with me."

"Then, _go._ "

"I can't just leave May behind, Barton. Don't you have an exit strategy?"

There is silence in the other line. Phil rolls his eyes and mutters a swear under his breath. He turns his talkie off and puts it in his pocket before running down the road.

Melinda is still in the water, hours after she had first taken her dip. It's getting a bit dark and cold and she can't get herself out of the water, afraid Lucas or his companions, if any, will find her. _Fuck retrieval ops_. She thought. She swims further under the dock and into the open, shivering at the cold air.

"Mel! Mel!" She hears someone calling. She swims nearer the surface and sees Phil running towards the bay.

"Phil!" She shouts back, waving her hands up. Phil sees her and runs to her, offering her a hand as he pulls her out of the water. He shivers when the cold water touches his skin. He buttons off his flower shirt and puts it over Melinda's shoulder.

"The intel?" Melinda asks, her teeth clattering because of the cold. Phil shows her the file. "Thank God. Else the dive wasn't worth it."

"What happened?" Phil asks, as the two walk back town.

"I think the people running the coffee shop were Hydra," Melinda says. "And they knew we were coming, apparently. They were armed."

"And we said this was a simple retrieval op," Phil says. "Are you hurt?" he asks. Melinda shakes her head.

"Just cold." she replies. "You?"

"Had to fight off a waiter inside the storage room but I'm good." he replies. Melinda sighs, relieved and smiles at Phil, who takes out his talkie and turns it back on.

"Coulson? Do you have May?" Clint asks.

"She's with me now." Phil replies.

"Good. Come back to the plane, you guys know where we are."

* * *

 **Review awaaaay!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I'm sorry for the late update!**

* * *

Melinda and Natasha are sparring on the downstairs makeshift gym of the plane. For the fourth out of seven long, difficult rounds, Melinda pins Natasha down on the mats. Both women pant as Melinda prepares for her final blow at Natasha, who rolls away and just lies down on the mat. Melinda breathes heavily and sits down on the mat, watching Natasha just lying down, catching her breath with her eyes closed.

"How the _hell_ do you do that?" Natasha asks, looking at Melinda, her eyebrows furrowed. Melinda chuckles.

"I've had practice." Melinda answers, standing up. Natasha sits up and Melinda throws her a bottle of water, which she catches and drinks immediately.

"So you're saying that _I'm_ the one who lacks practice?" Natasha asks, after emptying the bottle. "For someone who had a baby, you're the one difficult to take down."

"Hey, I had a difficult time taking you down too." Melinda says with a shrug, drinking the water. "And I think having a baby kind of helps, you know, mostly with the emotions and the drive to fight."

Natasha laughs bitterly and stands up. She's glad to see Melinda up and about her own self again, and taking the baby situation quite lightly than before. Before, Natasha remembers, she would squirm and stay quiet at the mention of _her_ baby, whether the mention would be an accident or for mission's sake. Besides, Natasha sees that it _does_ help Melinda form her own drive in fighting.

"Can you pilot a plane now?" Natasha asks, walking over to Melinda who looks at her.

"I can." she replies. "Hill told me there's still a few more things I need to learn but nonetheless, I can. Why?" Natasha nods.

"In the next mission, do you want to pilot the plane?" Natasha asks. Melinda's eyes twinkle and she smiles.

"Yeah, sure." she says. Natasha gives her a smile and leaves the gym, leaving Melinda alone. She turns and sees Phil entering the gym. Melinda smiles at him.

"Someone's up early." she says. Phil stops in front of her and smiles.

"It's just one of those days." Phil replies with a shrug, and he looks around the gym. "Besides, I kinda miss training with Barton. The last time we trained was two weeks ago."

"I can spar with you, if that's what you're asking." Melinda says, her arms snaking around his body. Phil smirks and wraps his arms around Melinda's waist.

"And take me down just like at the Academy? You managed to take down Romanoff more times than she took _you_ down." Phil points out. Melinda laughs.

"Just for old times' sake, maybe." she says softly. She leans and rests her head on Phil's chest, closing her eyes when she feels Phil's head relaxing over hers. Phil's hand move up to stroke Melinda's long ponytail.

"You're sweaty." Phil mumbles. Melinda chuckles.

"You should've considered that before you pulled me in earlier." she replies. Phil laughs softly.

"Couldn't resist it," he says. "I missed you."

"Phil, I lost count the number of times you've said that."

"Ha ha, very funny, Mel."

"I know I'm funny." Phil grins and presses a kiss on top of Melinda's rather very sweaty head. Phil wipes his mouth off the sweat and pulls back. Melinda laughs when she realised what he just did.

"You better go to bath so I can give you a proper kiss." Phil says. Melinda laughs and pecks a kiss on Phil's cheek before leaving the gym, and to her bunk.

* * *

Half an hour later, Phil walks to Melinda's bunk and opens it, when he sees Melinda in her underwear and bra. Phil takes a step back when Melinda tilts her head to the side.

"It's nothing you've never seen before, Phil, come on." she says softly. Phil smiles and closes her bunk as he sits down on her bed. Melinda grabs a pair of black leggings and blue shirt and put them over her body. When she's done, she sits down beside Phil as he wraps an arm around her shoulder. She rests her head on his shoulder.

"Did you know it's been a year?" Phil asks quietly. Melinda blinks. "She should be a year old now."

Melinda is silent as she buries herself further in Phil's embrace. Phil sighs and leans back on Melinda's bed, so that she is now resting her head on his chest. She is still, quiet, when she shifts her head, so that she is looking at Phil, who is looking straight ahead.

"Do you think things could have been different?" Phil continues. "Like, where would we be right now, what would she look like…" He looks down, and so does Melinda. Phil lifts his hand and strokes Melinda's hair with a light touch.

"We never had the chance to give her anything, you know," Phil continues again, his voice softer and gentler this time. "Apart from _life_ itself. We never gave her a name. I remembered we once talked about it. We were planning on naming her—"

"Daisy." Melinda continues, with a soft smile as she looks back up at Phil. He nods and smiles sadly at her.

"Would have been a perfect name for a beautiful baby." Phil whispers. Melinda sighs.

"She's not completely gone," she tells him. "She's out there, I know it. I just…I just know she's _out_ there. I just…" she trails off and closes her eyes with a heavy sigh. "Mother's senses, maybe."

"Do your senses tell you if she's okay?" Phil asks softly. Melinda opens her eyes and looks at Phil.

"I don't know." she replies, her voice barely above a whisper.

Phil looks straight ahead again and Melinda rests her cheek against Phil's chest, closing her eyes at the comfort of someone she loves. Phil rests his hand on her back.

"Happy birthday, Daisy." Phil whispers absentmindedly. Melinda smiles sadly, tears starting to well up in her eyes once more.

"Happy birthday, baby girl."

* * *

 **Oooh, who's Daisy? Review away!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Update!**

* * *

For more years the team stuck together doing missions. Fury trusted Barton's team, and the team had never once failed Fury. When it seems like their mission's about to go south, someone in the team will always find a way to get them back on track. No, the missions were never easy, and when it is, they know something's wrong, and most of the time, they're right. They never leave a mission site unscathed, or unharmed. They take bullets in their shoulders, legs, and earn bruises and scars on their bodies, but they always stuck together, helping one another get up and carry on with their missions.

Phil and Melinda had earned their own fame within S.H.I.E.L.D., despite having a personal relationship within a working team, they know how to balance both and how to compartmentalise. They know when to call each other by their last names, and when to call each other by their nicknames. They are _the_ ideal working pair within S.H.I.E.L.D..

But they're not _exactly_ a couple.

"Off early tonight?" Clint asked, watching Phil walk past his office. Phil looked at Clint and smiled.

"Yeah, Mel and I are off for dinner." Phil said. Clint leaned on his doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Whose idea, yours or your girlfriend's?" Clint teased. Phil raises an eyebrow, a smirk forming on his face.

"Mine, and she's not my girlfriend." Phil said. Clint frowned and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Aren't you a couple?" he asked. "What, do you still call yourselves, a _fling_?"

Phil scrunched his face and slightly nodded his head. "We're not, we just…can't call it a relationship, either."

Clint scoffed at his statement. "Clearly you two never broke anything up." he muttered, enough for Phil to hear. "Make up _your_ mind, Coulson, relationship or not." He went back inside his office and closed his door, leaving Phil blinking and looking at Clint's closed door.

The two never really talked about it. What was there to discuss? It was like they're continuing whatever was supposed to happen had the baby not been taken away. They didn't need any more talking nor discussing about anything in their…thing. Melinda doesn't like talking about things, she gets things _done_ , and whatever's done is final for her. Phil, on the other hand, knows that there's nothing really to talk about.

Phil didn't want to assume right away that Melinda wanted to be _his_ girlfriend, and same was the case for Melinda. For years they just relied on each other's physical touch, words of intimacy and feeling of love.

Phil didn't know if he was the only one bothered by this, or if Melinda was also thinking of the same thing. Melinda never really mentioned anything about their relationship, and he wasn't going to talk unless _she_ opens it up herself.

But Phil didn't think people come to Melinda and ask about her personal relationships. If she was ever open to anyone about her personal life, it's only within their team: Clint, Natasha and Victoria, sometimes Maria. And Phil didn't think for a second that any one of them would ask anything about Melinda's personal relations with Phil. Natasha _could_ , but the two had better things to do than to chat about their personal lives both are clearly compartmentalising within S.H.I.E.L.D..

But Phil doesn't really know _that_.

Natasha and Melinda had just finished sparring. Melinda had taken Natasha down more times than the latter had taken down the other. Both retrieve to the benches in the gym and sit down, breathing heavily as they both gulp their water down their throats.

"Tell me, Melinda, what do you do to take down people in combat?" Natasha asks, leaning against the wall as she tries to catch her breath. Melinda looks over at her and smirks.

"Thought you've figured it out by now." Melinda replies, taking another sip from her bottled water. Natasha frowns.

"You're swift, you're small, you throw strong punches and fast kicks?" Natasha asks, raising an eyebrow. Melinda leans against the wall and sighs.

"Your dominant hand is your right, and you don't use your left much. So when I take out your right, you use your left and when you do, you either fall off your balance or you think of another move for your left hand," Melinda explains. "Which could take a second or so, meaning your mind is away from the fight, so you're distracted. It's an advantage. I take you down easily from there. But lately you've been improving on how fast you think of a move, so it gets harder to take you down."

"You take advantage of my weakness." Natasha points out, nodding. Melinda raises her eyebrows at her.

"I take my opponent's weakness as my advantage," Melinda says. "Most of the time, people don't notice their weaknesses until someone has to point it out for them."

"That's why you _always_ grab my right hand." Natasha realises. Melinda nods.

"It's a helpful trick." Melinda says, finishing her bottle of water. She puts it down beside her on the bench and closes her eyes as she takes deep breaths. She feels Natasha shift beside her.

"So you and Coulson," Natasha speaks up. Melinda opens her eyes and sees Natasha smirking at her. "You're back together?"

Melinda shakes her head. "No. He's not my boyfriend. We broke things off years ago, Nat." she defends herself. Natasha frowns.

"You guys are literally always together for, literally, _years_." Natasha says. "I mean, even the physical touches give it away. The holding of hands, the very long and intimate hugs, the frequent kisses; don't tell me these mean nothing to you." Natasha frowns. Melinda sighs.

"It's very complicated." Melinda mumbles.

"I'm sure it's not that complicated." Natasha replies.

"Phil and I never really talked about _this_ ," Melinda tells her. "And if you ask me, I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"What's the use, Nat?" Melinda asks, throwing her hands on her lap, exasperated. "For us to have a normal relationship? This life that I'm living isn't normal and so is his. We work for a very dangerous organisation, risking our lives everyday, we just lost our child who was kidnapped by the former head of the organisation. That's not normal, Nat, and to have the relationship that people actually expect to be normal, it doesn't fit in this messy life." She looks at Natasha and sighs. "Something as good as having a normal relationship can't match with the messes he and I made for ourselves. And I don't think I can risk hoping for something normal when I know in the end, it will just end up crumbling on the ground."

"Don't you think you'd want something good, at least a little something that's good in your messy life?" Natasha asks her. Melinda scoffs.

"Just to see it deteriorate everyday and end up in ashes? I've had enough of those." Natasha eyes her carefully and bites her bottom lip, her eyes narrowed at Melinda and her brows furrowed together. "What?" Melinda asks, noticing the way Natasha is looking at her.

"You're pushing him away," Natasha tells her. "You're afraid that if you do have that relationship, any time he'll leave you like he did before. You're afraid of getting hurt by the same reason you suffered from years ago." Melinda frowns at Natasha. "And with no normal relationship, it would be easier for the both of you to leave each other."

Melinda does not say anything. She does not know what to say. She knows Natasha could see past Melinda's facade and words. She knows Natasha can very well word out Melinda's intentions and thoughts, just by looking at her eyes and how she acts. Melinda hates it, but Natasha always ends up right. _Always_.

 _Most of the time, people don't notice their weaknesses until someone has to point it out for them._ If earlier, Melinda had to point out to Natasha her physical weakness, now Natasha had just pointed out Melinda's emotional weakness. _She's afraid of Phil leaving her again_.

"Melinda, if you're getting yourself into another fling like this again," Natasha says softly. "I suggest you stop it. It's doing you no good. Better have nothing than to have something not normal. At least with nothing, nothing can hurt you." Natasha pats Melinda's lap and offers her a small smile before standing up to leave the gym.

For a few minutes, Melinda just stays there, sitting, contemplating on Natasha's words. "Is this the part wherein you leave me?" She hears a soft small voice ask. She shoots her head up and sees Phil leaning against the doorway of the gym, arms crossed over his chest. Melinda swallows and stands up, slowly walking over to Phil.

Melinda bites her bottom lip and sighs. "I'm sorry." she tells him softly. Phil nods and straightens his posture.

"I deserve it, after everything you went through." Phil tells her. Melinda looks down and tentatively steps closer to Phil, who opens his arms. Melinda throws herself in his arms and buries her head in his chest. She will miss him. She will miss his touch. She will miss his smell. She will miss everything about him.

"We'll still be partners on the field." Phil tells Melinda softly. Melinda nods against Phil's chest and pull back. Phil gives her a sad smile and Melinda returns it.

"Well, I better get back." Phil says. "See you around, Agent May."


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I've been gone for so long and I am so sorry! :( but hey I'm back now! Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

The two had to admit that the first few months following their "breakup" was awkward, most especially in missions. They had no idea what to say to each other, how to act around each other, and even had to keep their mouths shut to prevent witty side comments for each other. They feel weirder whenever they had to call each other by their last names, even out of missions.

Months and months after, things have become normal. It's alright for them to still act like normal and mature colleagues, and they know when or when not to keep their mouths shut to input unnecessary side comments. They've grown accustomed to calling each other "Coulson" and "May", even outside of missions.

Occasionally, they go out, as friends, as colleagues, as (as they'd like to put it) "modern-day parents of a lost child", whenever it's their daughter's birthday, or if it's any of their birthdays. They would talk about S.H.I.E.L.D., their missions, how Melinda's parents are and how Phil's mom is. They are still open to each other, telling the other if they're seeing someone or not, but as far as both are concerned, neither is seeing someone.

Clint and Natasha have been extracted from the team, and so was Victoria, since all three have other orders from Fury. Phil and Melinda are still staying on the field, but with another set of team. Fury had a new commander to head the team, Agent Hart, and Phil is his unofficial deputy. Since the day Agent Hart was introduced to the pair, their team has been the new team doing field missions and tasks.

Phil and Melinda are sitting on the barstools in the main room of their plane. Melinda is holding a glass of whiskey in her hand and Phil is holding a bottle of beer. Melinda puts down the glass and looks at Phil straight in the eyes. "Coulson, I'm going to tell you something." she says. Phil looks back at her, and sees that her eyes are sparkling, and her lips are twitching upwards. He can tell that she is resisting herself from smiling and looking happy. Phil smirks and puts down his bottle to face Melinda completely.

"What is it?" he asks. Melinda takes a deep breath.

"I'm seeing someone." she says in a low voice. Phil's smirk fades and his shoulders slump down his body. He feels like as if a whole ton had just been dropped on top of him. "He's not an agent, but he's not a civilian either. He's a doctor, a neurologist, working with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s index."

"What's his name?" Phil asks, his throat feeling dry. He slowly takes his beer, gulping down in his throat. Melinda smiles.

"Andrew. Andrew Garner." she answers and sighs, her smile not leaving her lips. Phil puts down the bottle and wipes his mouth with his cuffs.

"How—how did you two meet?" he asks. "Have you ever, uh, worked in the index?" Melinda shakes her head.

"He was reporting to Hand when I walked in her office, thinking that she's alone, but he was there; Andrew was there." Melinda tells him. "Hand introduced me to him, and before he left, he slipped a note inside my pocket when I escorted him out. The next night, we had our first date." She is practically grinning, and it has been quite a long time since Phil last saw Melinda grin.

"That fast?" Phil asks, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. Melinda scoffs and rolls her eyes, though the smile is still there.

"We're still dating, anyway," she says, sipping from her glass of whiskey. "It's not like anytime soon we'll be in a relationship immediately." Phil frowns involuntarily and attempts to cover it by looking down at his lap. Melinda furrows her eyebrows when she sees Coulson frown. Though she decides best not to open it, knowing where the conversation might lead. She's not ready for it. She's got her own shot of happiness and she's going to take it.

Phil looks up at her and gives her a small smile. "I'm happy for you, May." he says softly. Melinda gives him a genuine smile.

"Thanks, Coulson." she replies. She finishes her glass of whiskey and grabs another bottle to refill her glass.

Phil is running his fingers against the cool and moist glass of the beer he has been holding in his hand. He wonders who Andrew Garner is. He wonders what Melinda sees in him, and perhaps what he sees in Melinda. Though Phil does not question why Andrew, or _any_ other guy for that matter, will fall head over heels for Melinda. She's gorgeous, strong, determined, selfless, loving, strong-willed, and the list goes on and on. He fell in love with Melinda because of those things, despite her flaws. He wonders if it goes the same for Andrew.

But Phil could not point out why he feels so bad. To hear that Melinda is seeing another man, it is killing him, and a feeling, a strong, annoying feeling is eating him up from the inside. Yes, sure, he loves Melinda as a friend, as a colleague, as something else other than what they were before. Both had it cleared out years ago that they had no more chance with each other, that they just can't have a relationship. They could just be friends, and nothing more than that.

But seeing how happy Melinda looks while talking about Andrew feels like his heart had just been pierced by an arrow, and he is slowly dying on the ground a long, painful death. Hearing her light tone of voice every time she mentions anything about Andrew strangles him, yet he could not stop listening because he himself loves and misses that light tone he used to hear from Melinda whenever she talks to him.

He couldn't deny it, he is still in love with Melinda May, and probably will eternally be in love with her. All Phil wants for her is to be happy, and if Andrew could mean happiness to Melinda, and if Phil being just her best friend could mean happiness to Melinda, then he will abide. No matter how much it hurts him, kills him to see the love of his life be in love with someone else.

He smiles when Melinda returns, with another filled glass of whiskey in her hand. Melinda has a serious look on her face, a contemplative expression and looks at Phil. She leans closer to him.

"Phil," He knows what she's about to say is something serious, personal, _too_ personal. "I feel happy. Right now, I feel happiness." She looks at him straight in his blue coral eyes. He swallows down his throat and stares at her dark brown eyes. "Do you think I deserve this?" she asks softly, her voice slightly breaking at the end.

 _She should be with me._ "Mel, after everything you've been through. You deserve happiness." he replies softly and gently. "You deserve _that_ kind of happiness you're feeling." _Let her go, Phil._ Phil gulps down his throat. "You deserve Andrew if he's your happiness." She smiles at him. He gives her a small smile.

 _I can't._


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Short update! But here it is yay!**

Eventually, dating became something more. Melinda and Andrew are growing strong with each other as years pass by. Melinda became happier, and Andrew's duty for the S.H.I.E.L.D. Index also became more frequent since Fury had made a protocol that everyone in the index will undergo a psych evaluation under Andrew's supervision.

Phil and Melinda are also still partners in the field, and that's the only time they get to see each other. They don't go out anymore. They have no outside work relationship anymore. For them, it would just be awkward, now that Melinda is in a serious and strong relationship.

Phil trusts Andrew. He had first met Andrew during a psych evaluation of one of the gifted individuals in the Index, and he found Andrew to be kind, empathetic and loving. Phil had seen everything on why Melinda fell in love with Andrew. Five years in their relationship, and he can see that Andrew is making Melinda happier each day.

That's why it was never actually a shock to him when one day Melinda came to work with a gold wedding band on her left ring finger.

"You don't wear jewelries on missions." Phil had pointed out to them when they were in the plane, prepping for a mission. Melinda looked at him, her eyes sparkling and her lips forming to a smirk.

"I got married last weekend." Melinda answered. Phil raised an eyebrow. "We eloped. It was fun."

And at that moment, Phil swore he heard his own heart breaking inside of him, even feeling the shattered pieces fall and pierce everywhere inside of him. But as he looked at Melinda's face, her sparkling eyes, her rare wide grin, her excited overall expression, he can't help but want to feel happy for her. Phil couldn't remember the last time he saw Melinda as happy as she was when she told him that she and Andrew had eloped that weekend.

"Congratulations." Phil had said, forcing a smile out of him and turning away when he saw Melinda's expression fell. She can read through him easily. She knows he's faking something. Yet, a few seconds later, her expression changed into a soft smile.

"Thanks, Coulson," she replied. "I guess it's really time to move on, you know?"

Phil had taken Melinda's word on it, when he decided to go back to Portland to visit an old friend of his in the Portland Symphony. He saw her on the second chair playing the cello, and he smiled when she saw him from where she was, and she gave back a small smile to him.

And despite all the differences before, Audrey and Phil had left all of it behind. Phil had told Audrey of everything, of how they lost their daughter, and of how Phil had lost Melinda in his personal life. It took some time, but eventually the two had reunited.

And that was how Phil and Melinda became _just_ partners on the field. But both know that it will not end there. Both of them know that since they are happy, something bad will happen to both of them, it's happened before. What's the difference of now?


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Featuring the Melinda episode of AoS Season 2! Hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

But Phil and Andrew became friends, if not friends then perhaps a bit of acquaintances. They would meet whenever Andrew would pick Melinda up from work, and when Andrew would drive Melinda to work as well. Occasionally before missions, Phil would drop by to the Garners' house to pick Melinda up for mission. After all, they're still partners on the field.

Agent Hart had his team to work on an operational field mission for a gifted individual in Manama, Bahrain, and whether Phil liked it or not, the mission's endpoint will have Andrew working more for S.H.I.E.L.D., but not that Phil's really complaining about it.

"Come on in! It's open!" Phil hears Andrew shout from inside their house. Phil picks the newspaper and begins to scan the headlines as he turns the knob and enters inside the house.

"Andrew, good morning," Phil greets, setting the newspaper on the counter. Andrew gives him a smile and hands him a mug of coffee. "You really leave your front door unlocked?"

"Eh, got the best security system in the world," Andrew shrugs with a chuckle. "And you're early. This is my time."

Phil raises his eyebrows. "Sorry."

Andrew leans against the counter and faces Phil. "So who you going after? Am I about to get a new patient?" he asks. Phil shrugs his shoulders.

"Don't know yet. But yeah, maybe."

Melinda comes in the room. "Hey, no leaking operational secrets." Phil smiles smugly. "Come on, Coulson. We're gonna be late." She starts to finish off her drink. Phil raises an eyebrow.

"I'm early." he replies. Andrew chuckles lightly.

"Keep her safe out there." Andrew tells Phil. Phil smiles, a familiar ache lingering in his heart.

"She's supposed to keep _me_ safe." Phil smiles at Andrew and walks out of the room and into the car. Melinda follows not long after and hops in beside Phil.

The ride on their way to the plane is silent, more of because there's not much to discuss and also because Phil and Melinda aren't the only ones in the car. There are a few people there, their co-workers, and the two wouldn't dare to discuss anything personal with anyone around them listening in a small space.

When they got to the plane, everyone is setting up. Phil is in the garage, prepping for the mission brief. Melinda comes down, Walkman in hand and walks over to an agent sitting on one of the seats, his eyes fluttering.

"O'Brien, thanks for the tunes." Melinda says with a smile, handing over the Walkman to him. O'Brien peeps one eye open and takes the Walkman.

"Anytime. It's one dull flight." he replies. Melinda sees Phil and walks over to him.

"This really gifted individual," Melinda starts. "What do we know?"

Phil shrugs. "Not much yet. You know they're retiring this fleet?"

Melinda sighs. "About time. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s putting every dime into the triskelion."

Phil smiles and looks at Melinda. "Well, not all the dimes." Melinda tilts her head on the side. "Fury's quietly started a new initiative. Instead of this catch-and-release with powered people, we form a team, take earth's mightiest to find out of they're heroes."

Melinda lets out a small playful chuckle. "And you mention this because you want my help?" she asks, a small smirk on her face. Phil smiles and shrugs.

"Well, I know you've got the family planning thing going on—" Melinda cuts her off, her eyes soft.

"I'm staying in the field." Phil smiles.

"Good, 'cause you'd be great." Phil says. "And that way, we could keep working together." he adds softly. Melinda smiles.

Both hear heavy footsteps from the stairs and Melinda sighs. "Uh, one mission at a time. Look alive." Phil raises his eyebrows and turns to greet their commander.

"Agent Hart." he greets.

"We've got her, Phil." Hart says. "Gather up!" he announces. Everyone in the area stands and gathers around Hart and a small screen. Phil stands on the other side of the screen as Hart speaks up.

"Meet Eva Belyakov, 35, index candidate." Hart starts. The screen shows a picture of a blonde woman, along with her name on the bottom. "Russian intelligence has been pursuing her. Agents Coulson and May have been brought in to advise and make the approach." Hart nods at Phil who steps forward.

"Thank you." He nods at Hart and faces the team. "We believe Miss Belyakov possesses enhanced strength. This is what happened when a Russian officer tried to stop her with his car. She fled Russia unharmed." Hart clicks a remote in his hand and a picture of a severely damaged car appears on the screen. "Looks pretty strong to me, so it's important we don't spook her. Just a friendly chat to bring her in for evaluation. And if all goes really well, we'd gain an asset before the Russians find her."

"The approach will be public," Hart adds. "It's not ideal, but we go in now, we lose our window. Local military's not used to standing down. Welcome to Bahrain. Let's hope Belyakov cooperates." Melinda furrows her eyebrows.

"And if she doesn't?" she asks. Hart sighs.

"Then I call in the Cavalry."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Here we go!**

* * *

Phil approaches Melinda inside the plane. She is sitting down quietly. Phil sits down beside her. "You nervous for this? This isn't new for you." he points out. Melinda looks at him and raises an eyebrow and sighs.

"I just have a bad feeling, that's all." Melinda tells him. "It's like something bad will happen today, here in Bahrain, I…I don't know."

Phil gently puts a hand on her shoulder and gives her a small smile. "We'll be okay. Remember what I said earlier, just a friendly chat, and if it doesn't go well, we have backup. This won't be like Sausalito."

Melinda chuckles and nods. "Let's just hope things don't go south." Phil nods and stands up. Melinda stands up as well and follows Phil to a car.

Bahrain is a very hot and dry country. As they drive around Manama, you can see all sorts of animals everywhere, being sold to various market vendors. People are all covered up, and Melinda observes that mostly the females are the ones who are covered up the most. She notes that it must be for cultural purposes but she couldn't help but wonder about the heat and how the women can handle the heat when they are all covered up.

Their car stops and all passengers in the car exit, including Melinda who scans the place. "Faisal Ahmed, may I introduce agents Coulson and May." Phil and Melinda nod at the man in a gray suit. He is probably in his late forties. Melinda closes the door of the car. "Faisal is with Bahrain National Security."

"Pleasure, sir," Phil replies. "Your people have been tracking her?"

"Yes, we followed Miss Belyakov to a cafe in this market," Faisal says, his accent quite strong yet his diction distinctive. "This is a very dangerous area. Black-market importers, thieves... not a place for tourists."

"So she didn't come for falafel. She could be meeting with anyone." Phil says, looking at Melinda who nods at him.

"Whatever she wants, it's not good. Unless she leave with you, our military will take her." Faisal explains, looking at Hart, then Phil.

"This is our window," Hart whispers to Phil. "Fury will have our asses if an index candidate ends up in government hands." Melinda hears this and looks at Phil. Phil nods shortly after.

"Okay," Phil says, looking at Faisal. "We'll make this work." The group walks over to the cafe and everyone positions around the area, leaving Phil alone to walk over to Eva, who is drinking something from a small cup. Melinda, before leaving, grabs hold of Phil's hand and squeezes it before going to her position. Phil takes a deep breath.

"Hello," Phil greets. Eva looks up at him. "May I?" He gestures to the chair in front of Eva. Eva nods and continues to look at him. He takes a seat in front of Eva.

"My name is Phil Coulson, and I'm here to help," he starts. Eva looks at him intently. "My group specialises in helping people like you, who have gifts."

"And why should I trust you?" Eva asks, her Russian accent strong.

"Because I could take you somewhere safe." Melinda, in her position, sees a little brunette girl running, laughing and tapping people on their backs. She smiles as she watches the little girl play with the people around.

She couldn't help but think of her own daughter, wherever she is. She is more or less older than the little girl but she couldn't help but imagine that little girl as her daughter, playing and laughing, running. She couldn't help but think of the future children she and Andrew could have. A small smile plays on her lips as she thinks of coming back home to Andrew again.

Melinda sees the little girl run against a group of people, thugs maybe. She frowns and begins to speak in a low voice against the comms. "Locals incoming. Gun. Blue shirt."

Phil looks at his left and sees the group Melinda is talking about. Hart calls for O'Brien, commands him to make sure the group does not interfere. Phil looks back at Eva.

"Why don't we go somewhere more secure?" Phil asks Eva, who looks at the group of people who are in front of O'Brien. She smirks and looks back at Phil.

"No," she replies. "I like it here."

"Coulson, we're running out of time." Melinda warns against her comms, looking back and forth from the group of locals and Phil and Eva.

"These men can't help you. Let's talk somewhere calmer. What is it you're looking for?"

Eva leans closer to Phil. "Pain." she says. Eva stands up and flips a table, which goes very far from their location. Phil stands up all of a sudden.

The group take their guns out and so does O'Brien and Hart. Phil raises his hands and tells everyone to calm and stand down. Melinda sees the girl running as one of the men in the group starts to grab her, the little girl looking frightened. "No!" Melinda shouts, walking closer and carefully to the group who has the little girl with them.

"Stand back! Do not follow us!" the man who has the little girl says, and Hart and his team stop walking. Faisal attempts to talk out of the man but is shot by the same man. Melinda, Hart and Phil run over to Faisal and the men close the door to the warehouse.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Can I just say that your reviews are so very kind even though they're just a few. To those following and putting this story to their favorites, thank you so much! You guys mean so much to me and this means a whole lot to me as well!**

 **Anyway, here we go!**

* * *

After Faisal is taken into an ambulance, Phil exits the van and sees Hart is all geared up. Hart takes out a map and shows it to Phil. "The warehouse connects directly to the market. Once they holed up inside, my men cut off both exits... the alley and the market entrance."

"It's a rat's nest in there." Phil comments. Melinda walks over them.

"Coulson, we I.D.'d Belyakov's friends, local militia street gang, basically," Melinda gestures over to the warehouse. "That's their stronghold."

"Okay, I'm gonna call Agent O'Brien, see if they'll negotiate." Phil takes out his cellphone and dials O'Brien. After several rings, the phone is picked up. "O'Brien, is that you?" Phil asks.

"Leave us alone." was the reply. Melinda gives Phil a confused look but Phil keeps on talking. "Can you talk? Are they making demands? Put me on with Belyakov."

"Just leave us alone." O'Brien replies, firmer this time, and they hear a click.

Phil looks at Melinda. "'Leave us alone'?"

"Is he trying to warn us away, or…"

"We tried it the nice way. It's time for my team to do its job." Melinda's expression tenses as he watches Hart. She is skeptical about this. "Let's move out!" Hart's team follows him and Phil and Melinda watch them.

Melinda looks at Coulson and whispers in a low voice. "I should go in."

"Let them do their thing." Phil says, not looking at Melinda. "Now we find out what kind of monster we're dealing with." The two walk back in the van and prepare the equipment they have. They have the screen overviewing thermal activity inside the warehouse and talkies for them to communicate with the agents inside, most specifically Hart.

All things seem to go well, but then a gunfire is heard. "We're taking hits downstairs!" a voice of one of the agents call out.

"We've got civilians here. I see the little girl, she's alive!"

"Friendly fire, friendly fire!"

"All agents disengage, disengage!"

Phil grabs his talkie, not taking his eyes off the screen tracker. "Hart, come in." There is silence and feedback. "Bravo, come in." Same. "All operators, check in." Still the same.

"What was that? Were they taken out? Did they take themselves out?" Melinda asks, still looking at the screen, as if the screen will give her some answers. Phil shakes his head. "What about the little girl?"

"I don't know, but I have to call it in," Phil says. Melinda looks at him worriedly. "That building just swallowed 12 agents in a minute."

"We're alone on this." Melinda says in a low voice, realising what just happened.

"I'm calling the government, see if I can get emergency backup." Phil says, picking his phone up.

"Coulson, let me in. I can get them out." Melinda tells him. "I can do this, Phil."

Phil looks at Melinda, his eyes soft. "I know you can, but…Sir! There are multiple hostages, our whole damn tactical team. We need emergency backup 10 minutes ago."

"Tell them to send me in. I can fix the problem." Melinda says, her teeth grit. Phil looks at her.

"I strongly advise sending our specialist inside, Agent May," There is a pause. "No. There are agents inside. There's no time to wait." Phil sighs. "Yes, sir. Yes, sir."

Phil puts his phone down. "Yay for red tape. They want us to wait."

"For how long?" Melinda asks, too tired for the delay. She can get the whole team out and she knows it.

"The Bahrainis are pissed. I think they're about two inches from bombing the building and calling it a night." Phil tells her.

"If they go in, it's gonna be an assault. People will die. I can do this. It's all about slipping in and pulling them out." Melinda frustratedly explains.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. is not authorised for any action." Phil replies. They both hear sirens from outside. Phil looks at Melinda and sighs. "Go." Melinda quickly hops off the van and runs to the direction of the warehouse.

Melinda reaches the back of the warehouse and stops as she takes a deep breath. She's got a bad feeling about this. She's got a bad feeling that she may never make it. It's like any other mission, sure, but this feels different. Something about this op feels different. She takes her phone out and dials Andrew's number. After a few rings, she hears Andrew's voice. "Hon? What's wrong?" She sighs in relief to hear his voice.

"We're going off book here... hostage situation, our guys inside." Melinda explains to him.

"You're going in alone?" Melinda can hear the reservations in Andrew's voice. "Babe…"

Melinda sighs. "Drew, they have a little girl."

"Okay." Andrew sighs. "You've done this before. You always come home. Hey... she's gonna be scared. Take a knee. Get down to her level. It'll help. If not, then just grab her and run like hell."

Melinda smiles. "Thanks."

"Do good, Melinda, but come home," Andrew tells her. "I love you."

"Love you, too." she replies. She hangs up and puts back her phone as she jumps up to the nearest possible entryway and into the warehouse.

Melinda takes down the agents she sees in the entrance, putting them down as silently as possible so easily and so gracefully with her bare hands. She's not used to handling weapons, and she doesn't plan to be so comfortable with using weapons against enemies. She's more comfortable using her hands.

She tries her comms. "Coulson, you read?" But she hears only feedback and static. She opens a door and sees her commander, staring at space. She approaches quietly.

"Agent Hart," she whispers. "Hart, it's Agent May. We need to go now. It's dangerous out there." Hart does not respond to her and she frowns. "Are you okay?"

Hart looks at her in the eyes. "No, I need your pain." Hart shifts and readies his gun when Melinda pins him on the wall, and takes his gun away from him.

"What the hell are you doing, sir?" Melinda grits her teeth, trying to knock some sense into her commander who continues to look straight at her blankly. "We have to go."

"I need your pain."

"I need your pain."

"I need your pain."

Melinda looks around and sees the tactical team all saying the same things as Hart. They start preparing for their guns and start training their guns at Melinda. Melinda looks back at Hart.

"Belyakov is controlling you, Hart, that woman is controlling you." Still no use.

"I want your pain."

Melinda grunts and takes them out, knowing that these people are not her team as of now. They are being controlled by a gifted. She exits the door and secures it with a belt from Hart. She exhales sharply. "I've got to take her out."

She takes the stairs, taking down locals against her will. She's focused on finding Eva. She knocks a man against the door which leads to another room. She hears someone behind her speak in a Russian accent, "I will feel your pain." She turns and sees Eva, and before she can react, Eva throws her into the other side of the room.

"Coulson's not lying," she mutters. "She's strong." She groans as she tries stands up.

"I feel all their pain. And I grow stronger." Eva grabs a chandelier and drags it. Melinda is kneeling when she sees the little girl whom she saw earlier. The little girl looks frightened, and all Melinda wanted to do is grab her and get her out of the mess.

"Stay back, honey. I'll get you out of here. It's gonna be all right." Melinda assures the little girl. Her head is throbbing but she's willing to give anything to save the little girl and her team upstairs. The little girl hides back.

"I've had their pain. Now give me yours." Eva says, getting nearer and nearer Melinda. She stands up and faces Eva with a smirk.

"Come on. I've got plenty to share."

Melinda fights. It's an easy fight for her. The men Eva is controlling are not as strong and swift as Melinda is, and Melinda is confident enough to take Eva down. "Feel enough pain yet? Let everyone go, and this can end."

"No, I want more." Eva says. They fight, and even Melinda must admit it's a hard fight against Eva's strength and a shot leg. She screams in pain but continues to fight, with one goal to cross Eva off and let everyone go. With the pole in her hands, she stabbed Eva's stomach and Eva's body fell down on the ground.

Melinda thinks it's over. Melinda thinks the mission is done, that everyone will snap out of it. She falls against her side, feeling the pain of her shot leg, when she sees the same gang approaching her. She looks at Eva's dead body and back at the group.

"She's dead. Snap out of it." she shouts at the group.

"I like the pain," the girl emerges from her hiding place, glaring at Melinda. Melinda's eyes widen. The girl raises her right hand, and the man in front fell on the ground. "You killed mother, and now there is so much pain." The girl raises both her hands to the direction of the two men behind her and they fall as well. Melinda trudges backwards away from the girl.

"I like all their pain." The girl's expression changes to sadness, her eyes pleading. "I'm scared. I want to leave. Please, take my hand." Her right hand reaches out to Melinda, as her other hand waves off other people who come in.

The girl looks at her left and Melinda sees her whole tactical team. Melinda shakes her head. "No. Not them. Let them go. We can fix you. We can help. Just don't." Melinda continues to move backwards slowly, dragging her body away from the girl.

The girl smiles at Melinda as she continues to walk towards Melinda. "Take my hand. Give me your pain. I need a new mother. I'll take your pain."

Melinda stops when she feels a gun on the floor. Her heart starts to beat fast. It's the only way. She did say earlier she was going to take her out. She just didn't know it was the little girl, and not Eva. She had to make a choice. She had to make the right choice for her people. "Stop. Don't... just put your hand down and stop." The girl frowns at her and Melinda gets hold of the gun in her hand.

"Everything's gonna be all right." Melinda says, holding the gun and pulling the trigger, sending the girl on the ground as Melinda catches the small falling body of the little girl, whom for a moment she thought of as her own daughter and as her future daughter.

She doesn't think she can have either after what she has done.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Hey, everyone! Another update. Enjoy!**

* * *

Phil didn't know what went down in Bahrain, and he never did. But he knows that it's enough to change Melinda because the next thing he knows, she had quit the field and had requested transfer down to admin. He went down there once, and he saw her, quiet, closed off, and working a desk job. He knows whatever happened in Bahrain is enough to change her completely. He observed her that same day he went down the admin, and that mischievous smirk in her lips is replaced by a straight pursed expression, her eyes dull and tired and her expression tired and stressed, probably from all the working.

He did call Andrew once to check on Melinda, three months after her transfer. "Andrew, is May there?" he asked, when Andrew had picked up the phone.

"Phil?" Andrew sounded tired, stressed. Phil furrowed his eyebrows. "No, she's not. Haven't you heard?" he asked.

"That May transferred in admin, I've heard." Phil had replied. Andrew sighed on the other end of the line.

"Melinda filed for a divorce, and she left to live with her mother." Andrew replied. Phil didn't know what to say.

"Wh—why?" Phil asked. Andrew sighed.

"Bahrain, Phil," Andrew said. "Listen, I know you had no clue what went down there but it's bad. _Bad._ Bad enough to break Melinda herself."

Since then, Phil made a promise to himself to never ask Melinda what happened in Bahrain. And he didn't want to know what happened in Bahrain. If it's bad enough to hurt Melinda and scar her deep down, it's bad enough. He didn't know what she saw in there, and he didn't want to know what she did, but he kept on telling her that night that it saved their agents, that everyone was safe. Yet again, it's not enough to convince Melinda.

But Fury had just told Phil about his plans for an Avengers team, consisting of various heroes, including billionaire Tony Stark, Dr. Bruce Banner, Agents Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, Thor the god, and of course his all-time favourite superhero, Captain America. He will be working with them as they start and Fury plans that they all work together in especially big missions. Phil is too excited to work for Captain America, of course, after finally learning that he is, after all, alive after years in ice.

He goes down to the admin to find Melinda. He sees her sipping tea from her mug and he watches her silently. She looks at his direction and Phil gives her a smile. Melinda gives Phil a small smile and stands up. She slowly walks over to Phil.

"Admin, really?" Phil asks. Melinda smiles and chuckles silently, looking down. Phil chuckles and looks at her. "You look well today." he says. She looks up at him and nods.

"Same with you." Her voice is soft, small, timid, as if she is using her voice for the first time in _days_. As far as Phil is concerned, Melinda does not go a day without speaking about anything. "I heard you'll be working with the new team Fury made."

Phil nods a little too enthusiastically, making Melinda smile. "I kinda wish you're with me on this." Phil admits softly. Melinda's smile fades slowly and she looks down at her feet.

"I can't go back." Melinda whispers. Phil looks down and back to Melinda.

"I'll miss working with you, especially in the field." Phil tells her. Melinda nods. She looks at Phil's tie and fixes it and she looks back up to his face.

"Please be safe out there." she says softly. Phil smiles and nods. Melinda nods back and she walks back to her working area, but before she can, Phil grabs hold of her arm softly.

"I'm sorry, about Andrew," Phil says, and he feels Melinda tense. He cannot see the expression on her face but he knows that Melinda is still deeply hurt about her failed marriage. "Hey, after my first mission with the Avengers, how about we go out to dinner, as friends, just like before?" Phil smiles, and Melinda takes a side glance at Phil and nods, a small smile on her face. Phil lets go of her arm and allows her to walk back to her working area.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Yay, update! So anyway, if you know what happened during The Avengers (which I am 100% sure you guys do), then I'm pretty sure you can follow with this chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Things weren't supposed to end up this way.

"Melinda…" She remembers Natasha calling her earlier this day. Chills run in her skin, and she finds herself unable to speak. She gulps, and breathes heavily. She knows something's up. She knows something went wrong.

"I'm sorry, Melinda." Natasha had said. Melinda feels her heart pounding against her chest. Her throat is dry. She gulps more and breathes, trying hard to recall if Natasha had done something wrong to her, hoping that she did, hoping that it's on Natasha, not…

"Where's Phil?" Melinda had managed to ask, her voice hoarse and soft. There was silence on the other line and Melinda closed her eyes, pressing her lips together.

"He's dead, Melinda." And that was when she dropped the phone.

She marches her way to the director's office on the top floor of the headquarters, trying her best to hold back the tears, willing herself to disbelieve whatever Natasha had told her. She reaches the elevator and once the door closed, a tear escapes from her eye. She wipes it off quickly and breathes heavily. She takes a deep breath, and exhales loudly, closing her eyes, willing herself to calm down. She opened her eyes just in time when the elevator door opens and sees the director facing away from the elevator, his head bowed down and hands clasped together behind his back.

Melinda stops in her tracks, a small sob escaping from her lips. Fury looked to where Melinda is, his eyes soft. Melinda just stares at him, her eyes glistening with tears, questioning him whether the news is true or not. Fury, seeming to understand her, nods and faces her. Melinda allows her tears to fall from her eyes and sobs escape her lips. Fury walks over to Melinda and wraps his arms around her small frame, which surprises her, but she is not as surprised as the death of the man she loved, and she still loves.

"I should have been there," Melinda cries out, her head buried on the director's chest. "I should have been with him. He couldn't have died. He couldn't."

Fury sighs and holds Melinda's shaking body firmly. He knows nothing he could say will comfort this mourning woman, as he knows that she is wallowing in guilt that shouldn't be hers. Fury had put Phil in charge of the Avengers Initiative and he knows far too well that so far, it isn't working, but he knows this is not the end.

Perhaps his death is just the beginning of something.

* * *

It's a rainy Sunday when they decided to hold a complete burial ceremony for him in a chapel, with the presence of the U.S. president and people from the U.S. government honouring the death of a fallen agent who served their country. The Avengers was complete, all wearing black tuxedos and a black dress for Natasha, who stands beside her. Maria Hill is beside Nick Fury, sitting across them, heads bowed as the priest goes on with the ceremony.

Melinda looks around and sees Audrey not far away from where she is, crying silently with her head bowed down.

Fury had asked Melinda to be the one to give a eulogy for Phil, on behalf of S.H.I.E.L.D. While Melinda thinks the idea is pathetic, as she is, after all, not his partner in the field anymore, Fury thinks it's right, for everything that they had went through, in and out of the field, before and after the Academy.

Once Phil's mom was done speaking, she was called in next to deliver the eulogy.

Natasha stands up with her, both walking in front to where the podium is. Melinda looks at Natasha, who gives her a nod and a small smile, before she steps in the podium. She sighs and looks at the crowd all wearing black. She looks down at her hands, resting on the podium and takes a deep breath.

"Phil Coulson and I were partners on the field before," she starts, trying her best to even out her voice. "And at some point even before we went to work with S.H.I.E.L.D., we were more than just partners in the field. He was my lover, even during the Academy, before working with S.H.I.E.L.D., and even shortly while in S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Phil was a good man, always has been. He follows orders like a good agent should. He watches the backs of his teammates, most especially his partners." Melinda looks at the Avengers. "He puts his faith on people he knows can make a difference on this world, and does not give up on them." Melinda looks away from them, when they had lowered their heads. "He always sees the good in people, always thinking that there is a bright side to everything, that there is still something good in them. Even if nobody else sees it, Phil does.

"He had so much love to give to the world, to people. And it is both overwhelming and humbling that I was one of the people he gave his love to," Melinda pauses, her voice caught in her throat. She gulps and takes a deep breath. "Even if I couldn't even count the number of times I pushed him away, thinking I don't deserve that kind of love from a man with a good heart."

Melinda looks behind her and stares at a photo of Phil. Her eyes start welling up with tears. "He may not be here right now, nor ever, but he will always be with me, inside my heart and all of our hearts. He will always be in my heart when I go to sleep, and be the first one I think of when I wake up in the morning. Phil, if you're listening, and I know you are, wherever you are…" She gulps down, tears welling in her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, but no voice comes out of her mouth. She breathes in deeply and sighs, settling for what she thinks would be the best way to say what she wants to say: "You will be remembered." she finishes before stepping out of the podium.

Natasha walks down with her back to her seat, eyeing her carefully. "That's not what you wanted to say." she says quietly.

Melinda looks at her friend and sighs. "Some things just aren't meant to be said to the big crowds, I guess." she replies.

* * *

Under the grey heavy clouds and the downpour of rain, Melinda holds up her black umbrella above her as she stares down at the hole where Phil's white coffin is. She is alone, in her thoughts, in her grief and in her own world where she wished she could've let Phil in.

She wonders if she's cursed; every time she loves, the person slips out of her grip. When she had loved Phil so much, he slipped away from her fingers. When she had fallen in love with her baby girl, she was taken away, unknown where she is years after. When she had loved Andrew, Bahrain happened. When she loved Phil all over again, this time, he was taken away from her permanently.

Does she not deserve love at all? Is she not meant for loving? To be loved?

She doesn't hear the light footsteps and does not notice Audrey standing beside her, her own black umbrella above her head.

Audrey glances over at Melinda who just continues to look at the white coffin in that hole, where the man they both love is buried. She sighs and pulls out a package from a separate bag, a shoebox wrapped in manila paper, and stares at it. She tentatively glances back up at Melinda.

"I know you're not the type to snoop in people's belongings, especially those who are dead," she starts. She hears Melinda hums softly in acknowledgement, as Audrey sighs in relief. "But I did, yesterday, and I found this."

Melinda looks at her, then on the black box in Audrey's hands. She glances back at her, her eyes glistening and questioning.

"Unsent letters, photos and a lot more. Phil placed it in a box to gather everything and, I guess it's meant for you and her." _Her._ Their daughter. "And don't worry, I never read a single letter that's in the box." Audrey hands the box to Melinda, who takes it slowly and stares at it. "Thought you'd want to have it, you know, as a concrete reminder of him."

Melinda does not speak. She gulps and looks at Audrey, who looks at her with glossy eyes. "I…I don't know what to say." Melinda admits softly, looking back down at the box in her hands.

"Phil loved you, he really did," Audrey says softly. "And I know Phil when he loves someone." Melinda looks back up at Audrey. "He looks at you and speaks about you in a different way."

"Love doesn't have to look the same for each person." Melinda whispers, enough for Audrey to hear, who only chuckles.

"Sounds like something Phil would say." Audrey comments. Melinda lets a tear slip from her eye as she sighs.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hello everyone! So, just a heads up, I might not be updating the story in a day-to-day basis starting next week since I'll be going back to university again for the new term. I'll try my best to update once a week! But for the meantime, here goes the update!**

* * *

Melinda walks back home directly after the funeral. She knows she shouldn't have. She could've stayed with Natasha or Maria, took up their offers so she wouldn't feel alone, so she could share this grief with someone else. But she doesn't want to. She wants to wallow up in the guilt and grief and anger that Phil; _her_ Phil is gone. He is nothing but a treasured memory.

Once she reaches her apartment door, she unlocks it and enters quickly, closing the door behind her as she leans back, letting her bag, wet umbrella and the box Audrey gave her drop on the floor. She allows herself to cry, feeling the painful aching in her heart and letting it consume the rest of her body. She slides down the door and ends up on the floor, her knees tucked closer to her chest as she cries, whispering Phil's name over and over again.

At some point, and she felt it was after an hour of crying and weeping, she reached to the box and held it close. She sets it down her lap, and contemplates whether or not to open it. The box is tied with a black ribbon, elegantly knotted. Melinda knows this is something Phil would indeed do. She unties the ribbon and takes the lid off, revealing, indeed, folded yellow and white papers and pictures.

She takes the stack of pictures in the box. There is a picture of their graduation at the Academy, where Phil was carrying Melinda bridal style, with grins plastered on their faces. Melinda smiles at the picture. She has an exact same copy of that picture by her nightstand.

There is a picture of them in their vacation in Budapest, and a picture of Melinda in Hawaii. She flips the picture of herself and at the back of the picture, it says, "The love of my life" with a small heart after it. Melinda closes her eyes and leans her head back on the door, letting out a sigh. She proceeds to look at more pictures in the stack. There are more pictures of her and the two of them together.

The last photo of the stack is a picture of their baby girl, lying on a pink blanket the day she was born. Melinda could still remember every detail of her baby girl's face, but of course twenty-five years have passed and now would have been a lot different. She doesn't remember Phil taking a picture of their baby girl, but it's not like she could ask. She flips the photo and at the back of the photo, writes, "Daisy Louise May Coulson". Melinda puts the photo aside as she puts the stack back to the box.

She then proceeds with the letters in the box. She takes the one in the bottom of the stack. The letter is written on a yellow pad paper. She unfolds it and starts reading:

 _07/02/03_

 _To my Daisy,_

 _Happy birthday. It's been 15 years since you were born, and 15 years since your mother and I lost you. It's also been 15 years since we started looking for you. We never gave up, and we never will._

 _I've always wondered how we lost you. Your mother and I work in an organization specializing in these kinds of cases and usually we win, we succeed, but this time it didn't. Maybe it was too personal for us to dig deep, too painful for us to cross roads and boundaries to come looking. S.H.I.E.L.D. has given up on the lookout for you, and I remember it well when they decided to announce you dead. Your mother refused. I remember the fire in her eyes when she refused to let Director Fury announce you dead. I remember the fight she was willing to put to make the others believe that you are not dead, but alive, just missing._

 _I must admit that sometimes, it's hard to believe that you can still be alive._

 _Did we miss something? Did your mother and I miss a single detail that led us to not finding you? Have we ever seen you somewhere, in the park or in a playground when you were little but we just couldn't recognize you because you could have looked different the last time we saw you, and that was on the day you were born? You were small, pink and wrinkly, but to my eyes, you were the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen._

 _Daisy, I must be honest with you. Every time I look at your mother, I remember you. You both have the same eyes. Those chocolate brown eyes that captivated me when I first saw your mother. It hurts every time I see her. I see the pain in her eyes when you were taken away from us, and I see the burning fire in her eyes that fuels her determination to search the whole world for you. I see the love in her eyes; love not for me, but for her husband, Andrew. I can't help but get hurt because she shouldn't have the pain in her eyes, and burning fire that wants to take everyone down in her way just to find you, and that love for someone else but me._

 _What have I done wrong?_

 _I love your mother, baby girl. I love Melinda with all my heart. What do you think I should do? You would probably think of your old man as cheesy, but I hope you feel this too; this love for someone you know is right for you. When you do, Daisy, do me a favour and don't let go of this person. Never, or you lose the person, like the way I lost your mother and the way I lost you._

 _Someday, Daisy, I will see you. Before I breathe my last breath, I will find you and I will embrace you and welcome you home._

 _I love you and I miss you, Daisy. Come home._

 _Dad_

Melinda could not contain the tears any longer as she puts down the letter and cries again. She wants to tell Phil she loves him. She loves him with everything she has and she's sorry it's too late to say it. She could never hear his voice again, never see him smile or laugh. For more, he never got to see his daughter before he died. He never got to find her. Neither of them did.

For hours of this day, Melinda had only thought of Phil's death as something surreal now. He is dead. He is gone. He is never coming back. The love of her life is gone forever.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. She sniffed and groaned. "Go away." she says weakly, not even willing herself to stand up.

"I don't think that's an option, Agent May." she hears Fury's muffled voice on the other side of the door. She sighs. She doesn't have the will to stand. She couldn't.

"Open the damn door, sir." Melinda responds, not moving an inch from her original position.

"I would, but you're blocking it." Fury says. Melinda rolls her eyes weakly and pushes herself away from the pathway. Once clear, Fury opens the door and stares at Melinda who is sitting on the floor, with Phil's unsent letters scattered around her.

"You have got to be kidding me, May." Fury mutters under his breath as he kneels down to level with Melinda who looks at him sadly. "Get yourself together, I have good news."

"Good news?" Melinda scoffs. "Is Phil dying some good news to you, sir? If so then don't worry, I got the memo."

Fury balls his fist and rolls his eyes. He understands Melinda, he really does, but grief strikes her so badly. She's hurting, and he gets it.

He couldn't think of any other way to say it. "I have a way on how to make Phil live again."


End file.
